Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Horse Pucky Invention

Yesterday I talked about my new invention for horse pucky. Today I'll tell you what it is.

I figured out I can take frozen horse pucky and spray paint it with two different colors of flourescent paint; bright pink for the ladies, and neon yellow for the guys. "Why", you ask? So that you can see them in the snow when you play golf in the winter. Think about it. It's a win-win situation.

The golf courses can stay open during the winter months, employees can enjoy full pay insead of collecting unemployment, and golfers can still play golf. At the end of 18 holes the golfers can throw their horse pucky golf balls out onto the fairway. When the horse pucky defrosts in the spring, the course is automatically and organically fertilized, saving money for expensive fertilizers and the greens keepers oodles of time.

Pro shops can sell frozen horse pucky in recycled egg cartons; one dozen for the ladies in hot pink and one dozen for the gents in neon yellow. Storage is easy. They can be kept in a tool shed so they don't defrost.

So far there are two interested buyers. This could change the whole concept of the golfing industry as we know it. Next...winter polo!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Frozen Horse Pucky

Yup. Here it is. Beautiful upstate New York in winter. At least that's what it looked like last week. It took a couple of days to get shoveled out, then three days later it got warm...57 degrees. I actually have flowers blooming in my gardens. I threw some fresh horse pucky into both the front and back garden, did a bit of mulching, and expect to have mutant plants by spring.

I suspect it will turn cold and snowy within the next few days. That's okay with me. I think snow is beautiful. It offers me some time to hunker down and reflect. When it's cold and snowy I fix a cup of hot, steaming chocolate topped with miniature marshmallows. Bear, being the curious cat he is, likes to check out what's in that steaming mug and ends up getting his little black nose stuck to a marshmallow.

My reflections on a cold winter days usually end up with ideas on 'how to use what you have and make money'. Keep in mind, my ideas don't always produce income, but I have fun trying. This time I came up with a new invention for frozen horse pucky. Can't tell you about it now, 'cause I have to feed Bear. Tomorrow is another day. I think Scarlet O'Hara said that in Gone With The Wind. I wonder if there was horse pucky at Tara?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Kitty Cat Crazies

It's that time of year. We have at least 10 inches of snow that fell since 9:00 a.m. today. Bear loves going hunting in the woods behind our house, but today was not the day for him. Ten inches of snow is just too much for the little guy to run through. Besides, all the rodents are hibernating, so the hunting looks pretty bleak.

As the day wore on, Bear got bored. He shredded my LL Bean catalog, and then destroyed an article I had written on a yellow legal pad. His teeth make great paper shredders.

As soon as I finished cleaning up shredded paper, I heard "thunder paws" tearing through the house at warp speed. He was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. When I spotted him, I made a "Pss-t" sound and he ran down the carpeted stairs, hit the linoleum floor and then skidded six feet, knocking over his water dish.

After that he disappeared for about three hours. He finds secret hiding places for his naps. One of his favorite spots is his cat condo; a posh cat carrier with a lambs wool liner that sits on a shelf in the family room.

Yup, it's that time of year when Bear gets the kitty cat crazies. I can't imagine what he'll be like in February. At least it's peaceful when he takes his three hour naps.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Drag Races...Key West Style

My daughter lives in Key West, Florida. When I went to visit, I was invited to a drag race. My idea of a drag race and Key West's idea of a drag race are two different things.

Drag racing in Rochester, NY involves cars. Drag racing in Key West, FL involves guys dressed up like women who race in high heels, sometimes pushing a shopping cart past the finish line. Let me tell you it's a hoot to watch! It's an annual event and draws all kinds of tourists and locals who pay to watch the extravaganza, bringing in dollars to support the community.

I wonder if this will catch on in Rochester? We have a deficit in our budget right now. If we could get the mayor, police chief, and local DA to dress up like ladies, we could charge an admission fee and call it the "Snow Queen Festival". I'll bet we'd bring in millions.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Tidy Bowl Man

Have you ever wondered why cats drink out of the toilet? I think about it often, when I'm stuck in traffic.

Bear is one of the most delightful felines I've ever had the pleasure to live with. He has his own personalized drinking bowl along side his matching food dishes (filled with an assortment of healthy food), which I refer to as "The Kitty Cat Buffet". So why does he like to drink out of the toilet? Maybe because the water is clean, clear, and ice cold. Or is it a guy thing?

In any case, I asked our veterinarian about this toilet bowl fetish cats have, and he said, "They drink out of toilet bowls because they have little kitty cat brains." This is an answer from a guy who graduated magna cum laude from Cornell Veterinary School. He's also a dear friend and says I need to get a life and not think too seriously about why cats drink out of toilet bowls.

When my son came up from Florida for a visit, he caught Bear drinking out of our porcelain watering hole. He nick-named the cat "The Tidy Bowl Man". I took a picture, which is worth a thousand words. I guess that says it all.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Tacky Christmas Gifts

Every year, I hear about some really tacky Christmas gifts. The gifts weren't meant to be tacky, such as a gag gift. It's just that the the gift giver actually thought he was doing the right thing. I use the word "he" not to pick on men, but to share with you what some guys think are great gifts for their spouses.

Tacky gift #1: corn remover pads as a stocking stuffer.
Tacky gift #2: a Wonder bra.
Tacky gift #3: tickets to a tractor pull.
Tacky gift #4: gift certificate for two to McDonald's. (probably after the tractor pull)
Tacky gift #5: a snow blower (something I might like)
Really tacky gift #6: two gold bracelets, each with a different name engraved on it. Too bad the bracelets got mixed up. "Carol's" gold bracelet went to "Sue" and "Sue's" bracelet went to "Carol". OOPS!

It could be worse, I could be married to one of those guys...as long it was tacky gift #5.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Now I know I've totally lost my mind. Must be a combination of the frigid air the last couple of days and horse pucky fumes.

This time of year the horses are double blanketd so they're warm and toasty. When I went to groom Sadie, I found a solidified mass of horse hair inside her waterproof turnout blanket. The gray-white hairy mass is perfectly round and is about the size of one of those cosmetic sponges you buy at the drug store.

I figure I can market this round hairy patch of horse hair as a Woozle. I'm so facinated by the Woozle, I decided to write about it and market it as a childrens story or possibly a book for crazy people. If you buy the Woozle book, you'll also get a genuine horse hair Woozle with it. I may even throw in a bag of Horsie Delights as a bonus gift. (See Nov. 24 post: Truly Unique Christmas Gift...Horsie Delights ).

The owner of the barn suggested I call the Woozle a natual beauty aid and make billions instead of millions. It's a tough choice, children's book, or beauty aid...or maybe both. You get two for the price of one. What value! I might even make trillions.

As you've probably guessed, this time of year we get a little "squirrely" after riding and doing barn chores...and it's only December. We'll be ready for "R-Wing" by February! Maybe by then we'll be multi millionaires from selling all those Woozles. Next stop Tahiti.