Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Fun After Your Colonoscopy

Ever had a colonoscopy? They tell you how to prep before, and what to expect during a colonoscopy, but they never tell you how you'll react to the sedative they give you. I'm sure it varies depending on each person's tolerance to medication, but it turned out to be a fun experience for me...probably not anyone else involved at the Dr.'s office, but that's okay, 'cause I'm never going to see them again.

I wanted to watch my colonoscopy procedure on the small screen monitor they had hovering over the gurney I was laying on. So I asked if I could bypass the sedative they wanted to give me. Dr. Steve said, "No! That first turn with the endoscope is a sharp right and we don't want you to feel any discomfort which would make you move, which could tear the wall of your colon."

"Swell, I said sarcastly. How about just a little bit of sedative so I can watch, but not feel the pain." "We can do that", said the doc. "Are you sure you really want to watch this?" Now I was starting to get a little nervous, but said, "Sure, I can tell my grandkids all about it over dinner." Grandkids like cool stuff like that.

As soon as I said "grandkids...dinner...." I felt a needle prick in my backside. I could hear the nurse's voice over some blues rendition of some tune I don't remember, "This will help you relax. It's just enough sedative to take away the pain, but not too much so you'll be able to watch the procedure on the monitor."

When I woke up, I asked when the colonoscopy was going to happen. Tom, my husband, said "It already happened." "Wait a minute. I missed the whole thing! I got gypped!" At which point Tom asked me," Would you like to get dressed and go home, or would you like to stay and do it again, or maybe we could come back next week?" Believe me when I tell you, I didn't want to go through another one of those nuclear laxative preps. So, Tom helped me get dressed, and held my hand as we got ready to leave. I was feeling mighty mellow.

On the way out of the office I grabbed people I didn't know, hugging them and telling them how much fun I had and how much I loved everyone. How do I know this? Tom was laughing two days later and spilled the beans. I was so embarrassed. Knowing his sense of humor, I thought, 'He's kidding.' So I decided to call the Dr.'s office the next day. The office staff all verified Tom's story. Apparantly, I even went into one of the cubicles while some guy was getting ready for his colonoscopy, hugged him and told him how much fun he was going to have.

I don't know what was in that sedative, but everyone should go through an out of body love experience like that at least once in their lives.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Life is a Dead End

Someone told me I was full of horse pucky the other day. Why? Because I can find humor in just about any situation. I call those situations resurrected moments.

Take today's title post for example. It's a play on words and is also very true. It goes along with the sign to your right, which I think is hilarious.

Lest you think I'm an insensitive dolt, I'm not. My husband died a year and a half ago. He was a great guy with a terrific sense of humor. We melded (that's right, melded, not melted) like grilled cheese on toast, and always enjoyed those resurrected moments together.

So, Im not really full of horse pucky (well, sometimes), I just have fun memories of Tom and all the silly things in life that made us smile.

sign compliments of

Monday, April 20, 2009

Horse Pucky Award #6

The Horse Pucky Award of the week goes to the New York State Department of Education.

Rochester school districts are complaining about being shorted $36 million dollars. How about doing away with the rubber room, which costs in excess of $35 million a year to operate. What's the rubber room? Read April 13th post "The Rubber Room".

Or how about returning tax payer dollars for supporting an over surplus of school supplies that have been sitting around in boxes for years, which cost us $11 million total. The reason: No one bothered to check what was actually needed, so purchasing was done by someone who said, "If we need two we probably need twenty, so I think I'll order twenty." Lazy, lazy, lazy.

What amazes me is how people, who are in responsible positions, get jobs in the first place and keep them?

It's more horse pucky as usual.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Spring Cleaning My Teeth

Every six months I get my teeth cleaned. It just happens to spring into April and fall into October...Spring and Halloween. Not that those two times of the year have anything in common, I just thought I'd mention it.

Think I'll bring my dentist a gift bag of horse pucky. He's really a funny guy with a great sense of humor. In fact, I actually like going to the dentist for that reason. I just wish his dental hygienists were as fun as he is. They poke and prod with that poke and prod tool they use mumbling numbers to another assistant who groans when Nurse Pokenprod calls out numbers over 5, making me want to exchange my teeth for a set of steel bear traps.

Of course the horse pucky may not be a good idea. When I have to have a tooth drilled, I get novacaine. I get my favorite flavor...pina kidding. Pina colada flavored novacaine. Dr. Bob may decide to flavor his novacaine with horse pucky to make me feel like I'm at the barn, which is one my favorite places to be. He's very accommodating that way. I'd still rather have the pina colada flavor.

One of the reasons I go to Dr. Bob is because he has a sign outside the office that reads, "We cater to cowards." And he does. And that's why I go there even if I have to deal with Nurse Pokenprod.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Horse Pucky Blooms

I just dumped 20 gallons of horse pucky in my garden. It's still pretty chilly here in upstate New York, but I'm seeing green shoots, buds, and a stray fly.

What really excites me right now are all the poppy leaves shooting up from the ground in furry, lacy, curls! They're double what they were last year at this time. I just know it's from all the horse pucky I mulched into the soil the last two years. The stuff really works!

Taking pictures with my Kodak digital camera is always an experiment to see how accurate I can be in capturing the true beauty of the flowers. The pink poppy is reminiscent of a Georgia O'Keeffe painting; one of my favorite artists. This is one of last year's blooms.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Rubber Room

New York State politicians are always trying to figure out ways to cut costs. How about doing away with the rubber room with annual costs in excess of $35 million.

What is the rubber room? It's a detaining center for teachers who are accused of misconduct. Some of the misconduct may be ficticious or true. The point is, the rubber room holds these teachers until a court date is set for a hearing and adjudication. It can take years for a court date to be set. Meanwhile, each teacher held in detention, receives full pay and benefits for doing nothing.

The idea of the rubber room was to help teachers who were falsely accused by students...students who didn't like their teacher. It was usually one of those unruly brats who were taken to task by a teacher who cares. Brat gets torked off. Brat reports that teacher abused him. Teacher gets the rubber room whether deserved or not.

Unfortunately, there are some teachers who are abusive, or who have been arrested for drug posesion, or on DWI charges. Those who are truly guilty of obvious misconduct should be fired, not detained in the rubber room.

The public needs to be aware of this $35 million fiasco, which has been dumped on already overburdened taxpayers. Shame on the New York State Department of Education. It's more horse pucky as usual

For more details on The Rubber Room go to

Monday, April 6, 2009


It's Easter week. Reflect!
Time to decompress, defrag and...RELAX.

Fizz away those winter blahs in a hot steamy tub of scented bubbles. Go ahead and pamper yourself. You deserve it. It's good for the mind, body, and spirit.

Just make sure you don't sit on your yellow rubber duckie.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Mother Goose: Humpty Dumpty and Politics

The other day I was rummaging through some boxes in the basement and found my old Mother Goose nursery rhyme book.

After reading a couple of rhymes, my brain started reworking the rhymes into kooky, political flights of fancy. In other words adult ADHD kicked in, and Humpty Dumpty got turned into a political parody of sorts.

If you want to read on, do so at your own risk.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
but it wasn't profitable for Humpty at all.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool
but for Humpty Dumpty that, too, was un-cool.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the fence,
just like our local and federal government.

Now Humpty makes money using fence sitting tactics,
by lobbying, filibustering, and other money-grubbing antics.

I told you to read this at your own risk. I hope you've stopped groaning.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I'm In the Zone, Man

Everyone needs a cat. They usually don't give a 'horse pucky' about much of anything. Cats know how to live in the moment.

In fact, when I'm having a particularly stressful day, I just take a look at Bear and mentally imprint his relaxation techniques.

Life just seems more balanced after that.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fools and Horse Pucky

Some of us never grow up; especially me. You'd think after reaching senior citizen status I'd be more mature and sophisticated. It's never gonna happen.

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. It's the perfect time to put horse pucky to good use. In fact, I got a great idea along with the April Fools logo from a fun website

I'm going to take one of my horse trophies, take off the top, and replace the horse ornament with a dried horse pucky turd. When I give out the Horse Pucky Award of the week, I'll have a trophy to go along with my blog post.

Have fun today...and oh yes, Happy April Fools Day!