Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Fun After Your Colonoscopy

Ever had a colonoscopy? They tell you how to prep before, and what to expect during a colonoscopy, but they never tell you how you'll react to the sedative they give you. I'm sure it varies depending on each person's tolerance to medication, but it turned out to be a fun experience for me...probably not anyone else involved at the Dr.'s office, but that's okay, 'cause I'm never going to see them again.

I wanted to watch my colonoscopy procedure on the small screen monitor they had hovering over the gurney I was laying on. So I asked if I could bypass the sedative they wanted to give me. Dr. Steve said, "No! That first turn with the endoscope is a sharp right and we don't want you to feel any discomfort which would make you move, which could tear the wall of your colon."

"Swell, I said sarcastly. How about just a little bit of sedative so I can watch, but not feel the pain." "We can do that", said the doc. "Are you sure you really want to watch this?" Now I was starting to get a little nervous, but said, "Sure, I can tell my grandkids all about it over dinner." Grandkids like cool stuff like that.

As soon as I said "grandkids...dinner...." I felt a needle prick in my backside. I could hear the nurse's voice over some blues rendition of some tune I don't remember, "This will help you relax. It's just enough sedative to take away the pain, but not too much so you'll be able to watch the procedure on the monitor."

When I woke up, I asked when the colonoscopy was going to happen. Tom, my husband, said "It already happened." "Wait a minute. I missed the whole thing! I got gypped!" At which point Tom asked me," Would you like to get dressed and go home, or would you like to stay and do it again, or maybe we could come back next week?" Believe me when I tell you, I didn't want to go through another one of those nuclear laxative preps. So, Tom helped me get dressed, and held my hand as we got ready to leave. I was feeling mighty mellow.

On the way out of the office I grabbed people I didn't know, hugging them and telling them how much fun I had and how much I loved everyone. How do I know this? Tom was laughing two days later and spilled the beans. I was so embarrassed. Knowing his sense of humor, I thought, 'He's kidding.' So I decided to call the Dr.'s office the next day. The office staff all verified Tom's story. Apparantly, I even went into one of the cubicles while some guy was getting ready for his colonoscopy, hugged him and told him how much fun he was going to have.

I don't know what was in that sedative, but everyone should go through an out of body love experience like that at least once in their lives.


ian in hamburg said...

Oh Gawd! I don't ever want to have to go through that again, either, but they say it's a good way to detect... something in there, not sure what.

It's not the procedure, it's that awful stuff you have to drink for hours and hours before to clean you right out. Ugh!

Pam Beers said...

Ian, that stuff is awful! It tastes like sweat with a slight hint of lemon. It sure does clean you out. I think I vacuated a hot dog I ate fifty years ago.

itsmecissy said...

YOU GUYS STOP IT! I have to call and make my consultation appt next week and THEN drink the "sweat with a hint of lemon" and have the procedure . . . and I'm terrified!!!

I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to watch it on the screen. I don't want to to have a story to tell anyone.

I want it to be all over with already. Does it really not hurt?

Pam Beers said...

itsmecissy: It's really nothing at all. Glad you're having it done.

Stories are fun. Be sure to bring a pad & pencil with you. You write good stories.

You'll enjoy your trip to La La Land.