Monday, March 28, 2011

There Goes My Eyeball Into My Highball

My left eye lens, along with the cataracts, was sucked into a tube and replaced with a brand spankin-new, slightly rounded clear lens. This week was part 2 of my cataract surgery with part 1 being two weeks ago. I see great, but I'm in a heap of trouble. In the pre-op area, after the initial eye-numbing procedure, I was singing, "Cataracts, I done got cataracts. There goes my eyeball into my highball."  That was before surgery. After surgery it got worse.

The anesthesia they gave me was a non-narcotic that makes you forget what happened. When I went to the doctors ofice the next morning for a post-op check up, everyone in the office was laughing. They asked me if I remembered anything. "Sure", I said. "I actually watched the surgical nurse swab out my left eye with betadine solution." "What else do you remember" they smirked? "Ah...nothing else", I said with trepidation.
That's when I was told that I proposed to the doctor, proposed to the anesthesiologist, made fart noises when the nurse bent over, and kept singing 'there goes my eyeball into my highball' to the tune of "Jeapardy", which was a tune my grandparents listened to frequently when I was a young'un.

To make matters worse, an elderly lady in the curtained cubicle next to me was laughing so hard she got chest pains. The surgical team thought she was having an angina attack and sent her home. She had to reschedule her cataract surgery for a later day.

It's no horse pucky when I tell you, it's the first time the surgical staff (both pre-op and post-op) considered kicking someone out of the surgical center. 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Geezer Words

Do you recollect the word dungarees? If you're a baby boomer, like me, you'll remember. Today dungarees are called jeans. How about church keys? We used those to open pry-off caps on beverage bottles. I don't think they have pry-off caps anymore. The only thing I see at the stores are twist-off caps.

My 18-year-old granddaughter, Ivey, was momentarily baffled when I mentioned how much I like listening to old records on my 1968 stereo record player. "Oh", she said, "Now we've got CDs with CD players." Well, guess what, Miss Ivey, I have one of those too.

Instead of saying I have a pair of gym shoes, now I say, "Look, a new pair of Nikes!" (Or whatever brand you prefer.) I remember having a pair of high topped sneakers I wore to gym class. Now I have a pair of bright plaid high tops that Ivey helped me pick out. Some of those styles do come back.

Last, but not least, is the good old typewriter. Egads! I went through a lot of correcting tape and white out b.c. (before computers). It took me hours to write a paper in high school.

It's always fun having conversations with my grandchildren. We have loads of laughs comparing baby boomer geezer words with Generation Y words. Have a great day. Or is it "See ya"?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


As I was pulling into the grocery store parking lot a couple of days ago, I looked into the rear view mirror to make sure my hair looked good and my makeup was perfect, only to see a booger sticking out of my nose. Of course, it was one of those rare times when I was totally out tissues.

I did the next best thing. I pulled that dry crusty thing right out of my nose. Whaddyado with a booger on the end of your finger and no tissue? Well, I'll tell you the decision wasn't easy. I got out of my pick up truck and flicked it (the booger that is), thnking it would land on the ground. It didn't. It found it's permanent resting spot on the hood of a brand new hunter green VW. I emphasize the word permanent because when I came out of the grocery store 45 minutes later the VW was still there along with the frozen booger.

Maybe I should have filed an accident report.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

One Done, One To Go

My right eye had the cataracts removed along with the God-given lens the cataracts were attached to and a brand new lens was inserted. Wow! It's amazing what doctors can do these days. The world looks brighter, newspaper print looks bigger, and my grandchildren look taller. The surgery was a piece of cake. I've had no eye discomfort whatsoever. HOWEVER...there's always a "however"...the anesthesia did me in.

I'm very sensitive to any type of medication. Two Ibuprofen knock me on my kabootie. The day after surgery I had a post-op exam and asked, "What in the world did you use for anesthesia?" When the Dr.told me they used Fentanol in the IV pic,I realized why I've been loopy, dopey, tired and grumpy for the last four days. Fentanol is a narcotic, and that stuff sends me into orbit, toward some weird planet I don't want to be on.

When they do the left eye in a week and a half, I'm going to opt for a much lesser dose or at least another type of happy juice. I still think the Jack Daniels would be better.