Saturday, August 28, 2010

Beam Me Up!

I really can't believe it! Ex-madam, Kristin Davis is going to run for governor of New York State. She's being supported by GOP, Roger Stone, a former Nixon, Reagan, Bush, operative and he's totally serious about getting the Manhattan Madam on the ballot.

In order to start the ball rolling, 15,0000 signatures are needed to get Kristin on the ballot. Stone's plan is to hire four penthouse "pets" properly attired, make them notaries, then have them collect signatures at Grand Central Station during rush hour. It's brilliant, I tell ya!

Kristin is pretty cagey when it comes to money matters. Her platform will be to legalize prostitution and marijuana which will close New York State's $2.5 billion budget gap. Another outstanding idea!

The truth of the matter may just work. In case you are wondering...Kristin's picture is below.

Personally, I think there'll be a lot of guys moving to New York State in the not-too-distant-future. Especially if she's elected Governor.

Friday, August 20, 2010

The New Unexpurgated Version of Snow White

My Horse Pucky pals continue to give me literary food for thought, spiced up with magnitudes of wacky inspiration. Their posts are great! Because of their clever witticisms and sense of the absurd, I'm going to present a premise for a new unexpurgated version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that will rival Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm. Thanks for the inspiration y'all.

Instead of the wicked Queen, who is really Snow White's stepmother, we'll have GRAMBO, the meanest grandmother this side of the Canadian Border. Grambo's seven dwarf pals will be NUTS, SURLY, SHIFTY, CANTANKEROUS, GLOOMY, LAZY, and POINTLESS.

 I'm not sure where I'm going to take this just yet, but I think a political parody using these characters as pivotal points for truth, justice, and the American way will be a good start. We can even use horse pucky as a weapon of choice. This can also extend into Canada. I mean, gee whiz, we can even go Gobal with this. Wow! I'm gettin' really excited here. So, whaddya'll think? Are all of you wild and wacky Horse Pucky pals in?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Grumpy and Happy

One of my favorite animated Disney flicks is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I decided the reason why is because the story, with all it's unique characters, is really a portrayal of the human condition.

Snow White and Prince Charming are the epitome of goodness, the seven dwarfs are a representation of all of the personality traits I can portray in a single day, and the Wicked Queen is a totally self centered battleaxe who is just plain mean and nasty. In psychology it's called the Id, Ego, and Super Ego.

There are days when I am the Wicked Queen. My Id kicks into gear, and I feel like putting horse pucky on everyone's doorstep within a 10 mile radius. Then there are days when my Super Ego shines through. Those are the days when I weed the neighbors gardens, share whatever I've baked, and spread good cheer. But, most days I'm a combination of the seven dwarfs.

Today I'm both Happy and Grumpy. Happy because I spent a creative morning with my 18 year old granddaughter, Ivey; Grumpy because some orange-haired lady tried to cut me off on a two lane road that merged into one lane. I would have given her the one finger salute, but Ivey was in the car with me.

Who are you today? Snow White, Prince Charming, the Wicked Queen, or a combination of the Seven Dwarfs? I don't know about you, but I need to work on getting better at being Snow White by working on my Super Ego.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Put a Little Sole Into Your Wine

Have you ever bought a really nice bottle of wine, got it home, and couldn't locate a corkscrew? I have. The next option is to call 911 for an emergency corkscrew delivery. Of course, the dispatch person is not too thrilled to get these kinds of calls.

There's a softer, gentler way to open a bottle of wine without the use of a corkscrew. It's a super idea that will thrill all you emergency dispatch personnel, who are sick and tired of me calling you at all hours of the night because I misplaced my wine-bottle-opening-devices.

Use your shoe. That's right, use your shoe to open a bottle of wine. Rather than try to explain how, I'll give you the URL and you can watch the video someone sent me. My friends don't worry about me anymore.