Monday, July 26, 2010

Old Coot Status

Now that I'm between 65 and 70, I've been wondering when I officially become an old coot. I decided to do some serious observing along with some really deep thinking. As a result of my in-depth vigilance and intelligent contemplation, I concluded that the next ten items are what is necessary in order to achieve old coot status.

1. Hair that grows everywhere but on top of your head.
2. Excessive burping, belching, and general passing of public.
3. Claims of being 39 when your're really 70.
4. Cussing at thoughtless drivers and then tailgating them for at least two miles.
5. Saying, "This service really sucks!!!", at a five star restaurant so everyone, including people eating on the patio, can hear you loud and clear.
6. Making jokes at a funeral.
7. Repeating yourself for hours to make a point.
8. Talking about the good old days even when the "good old days" weren't that great.
9. Always thinking your way is the best way.
10. Telling everyone who doesn't agree you, they are full of horse pucky.

I hate to admit it, but I'm privileged to say, I'm almost an old coot; not entirely, but I'm working on it.


lightly said...

1) hair everywhere include head an palm of hands (check)
2) check
3) replace 70 with 4? , check
4) check
5) check
6) family don't want me at funerals anymore for this reason, check
7) check check check
8) check
9) yes it is , check
10) your point being , check

if you have been checking the palm of your hands for hair you really have a problem.
people looking for hair on the palm of their hands is the first sign of insanity (bob you know us, insanity is a given)

Pam said...

LOL!! lightly, congratulations, you've achieved old coot status.

What does hair on your toes mean, other than a woman needs to shave her legs and points below?

Do you and Bob have hairy palms? I think that means you are about to inherit loads of money. Or is that itchy palms? Or do hairy palms make your palms itch?