Thursday, January 14, 2010

Exciting New Job Perspective

After serious consideration, I decided to submit my resume to the Buffalo Bills as their head coach.

My qualifications are as follows:

1. Cheerleader for Eastridge High School Lancers football team (1958).

2. I can throw a spiral pass at least one yard on a good day.

3. I live in Rochester, NY and Buffalo is only 80 miles away. With my "lead" foot, I can get there in 45 minutes.

4. I love the snow.

5. Being a female coach increases the testosterone levels of the players, thus lighting a fire under them so they play better.

6. Just sittiing and watching the Bills play is frustrating. As head coach, I can become an active participant and swear at them in person.

7. I'm cuter than Dick Jauron, and definitely have more energy.

8. Owner, Ralph wilson, Jr. at age 91 is near-sighted and probably won't even realize I'm a female.

9. I'm totally familiar with the AFL, NFL, AFC, PGA, HBPA.

10. Last but not least I have the perfect last name...BEERS. The guys can call me "Six Pack".

Whadaya think? Will I get the job or not? I'll definitly keep you posted.


lightly said...

not sure if you will get the job, but stranger things have happened.

I'm not sure but me things you may have fallen and bumped your head because trust me on this one
the way the buffalo's play no one in their right minds wants to coach them.

you want to fix the team, replace all the players.

Pam Beers said...

My first task is to fire all the players and hire the girl scouts.

Second, I told you cabin fever has set in. Cabin fever = 2; foot fetish = 1.