Horses Are My Bag

I've been around horses since I was eight years old. For those who don't get it, I'll tell you ...it's an addiction.

People who have known me for years understand it when I pull a tissue out of my pocket and hay falls out. For those who have just met me, I have to fill them in on my preoccupation with equines. They still don't get it, but that's okay.

Just to give you an example of what being a horseperson really means I'll site some examples:

• I am totally grossed out when I find a human hair in my food or in the bathtub, but not bothered at all by horse hair on my clothes, in my hair, or on my dinner plate.
• The back of my pickup truck looks like a rolling tack room complete with riding helmet, horse blankets, and hay cubes.
• I say "whoa" when I apply the brakes to my pickup truck and pat the dashboard saying, "good girl".
• I love pickup trucks.
• The only time I go to the grocery store is when I run out of carrots and apples.
• I have to dump shavings out of my shoes before going to marketing meetings.

You get the picture.

At least I own stock. The only problem is, my stock has eight legs. Horses are definitely my bag.

It's Wendy's Birthday!

This is a special day. It's my daughter, Wendy's 44th birthday. Wendy's a great person, not just because she's my daughter, but because she's a caring, loving, supportive woman.

She's also more fun than a barrel full of monkeys. She bakes kitty litter cakes, sends humorous cards for no reason, and is full of good cheer when the rest of the world is falling apart at the seems.

Family and friends are looking forward to a birthday bash this evening to celebrate 44 years of love, fun, and creative pranks.

Happy Birthday, Wendy. We all love you.

Horse Pucky Award of the Week #2

A-n-d...the horse pucky award of the week goes to ultatraditionalist bishop Richard Williamson who has said the Holocaust was exaggerated and that no Jews died in the Nazi gas chambers. What planet has he been on?! Even Vatican officials are among his many critics.

No wonder people are leaving the Catholic church in droves. Too bad, because there are many sensitive, caring clergy who have hearts rather than mortar at their core.

All you Roman potentates need to a get good dose of reality before we have nothing left of what the Church was originally intended to provide...spiritual direction.

Badunkadunk or Junk In the Trunk

Teenagers have a language all their own. Occasionally I have an opportunity to work with them either individually or in small groups. Most of them feel compelled to tell me about their day and some of the “cool” things they do. I find most teens to be charming, open, honest, and downright humorous without trying to be.

There are times, however, when it's very difficult to understand the meaning of what they're trying to communicate. Being around teens and their slang transports me into another dimension. I’m learning some of their lingo, but after hearing the following conversation I thought I was on another planet.

Conversation:
“When I was checkin’ out I saw some badunkadunk jivin’ down the road. Turns out she was a sparkler, so we started chillaxin.”

Translation:
When I was on my way home, I saw a pretty female (sparkler) with a big rear end that looked good (badunkadunk, sometimes called junk in the trunk) walking down the road. She was an old friend, so we hung out and relaxed (chillaxin).

Because I love words, I’ll definitely have to add badunkadunk to my vocabulary list. Knowing its double meaning makes me laugh. Chillaxin is a word combo that speaks for itself.

As you can see, sometimes it's necessary to ask for a t. t. (teen translator) who can help decode their jargon so that communication is in the present dimension rather than the twilight zone.

Is Your Participle Dangling?

I had a dream about dangling participles last night; probably because I had a bowl of chocolate-chip, fudge brownie, chocolate ice cream followed by half a jar of green olives before I went to bed. Instead of sugarplums dancing in my head, there were dangling participles hovering over the bedpost. Sounds kinda' kinky doesn’t it?

What is a participle? It's a word ending in “ing” and sometimes “ed”. It looks like a verb but acts as an adjective. A participle is used to describe other words in a sentence.

Dangling participles are writing faux pas. They are often humorous without intending to be, but can be both confusing and annoying when trying to convey a message. In order to avoid dangling participles in your writing, be specific. Avoid generalizations.

Two examples of generalizations are “there is”, and “it”. Make sure a noun or verb is in the sentence for the participle to clearly modify. A modifier is a word or group of words that describe other words in a sentence.

Whew! Let’s see now, dangling participles, verbs, adjectives, modifiers, there’s a lot to think about. Let’s have fun with dangling participles and their sometimes humorous, but confusing messages.

Incorrect: Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. (Is the dangling participle writing carefully?)
Correct: While you are carefully writing, avoid dangling participles.

Incorrect: Flitting from flower to flower, the baseball player watched the bee. (I don’t think the baseball player is flitting from flower to flower, but you never know.)
Correct: The baseball player watched the bee flitting from flower to flower.

Incorrect: After being cracked open, the cook boiled the egg. (Oh, oh violence in the kitchen! I hope the cook wasn’t cracked open before the egg was boiled.)
Correct: The cook boiled the egg after it was cracked open.

Incorrect: Leaping off the cliff, I saw the mountain goat land safely 20 feet below me. (Look out below; the goat and I are on our way down!)
Correct: Leaping off the cliff, the mountain goat landed safely 20 feet below me.

So, folks, a dangling participle is not some kinky physical problem. It is a grammar problem. When writing, make your communication clear.

Always remember never to eat chocolate-chip, fudge brownie, chocolate ice cream and green olives before going to bed. I not only have a problem with dangling participles, I have a stomachache.