Holy Guacamole!

I gotta tell ya, there's all kinds of stuff going on out there with my blogger pals. We have speeding BMWs flashing their high beams, sexy elves in trees with big boobs, a 105 year old man who looks like a leprechaun, wall street protesters, illegal immigrants and all sorts of interesting, fun stuff.

Then there are the commentors who are funny as heck. I'm almost certain one them is running around Vancouver trying to find one of those elves. We won't mention any names.

Holy guacamole, it's hard to keep up with it all! Thanks for the laughs, your interesting opinions, and most of all...thanks for being you.

Check my favorite blogs in the column to the right of this post. You'll be glad you did. 

Bump and Grind

It had to happen sooner or later. With all the snow and ice yesterday, I bumped (or rather slid) into the right fender of a parked car with my pick up truck. I managed to grind ground black rubber from the truck's rear bumper step pad into, and all along, the car's right rear fender. It made a rather surrealistic feathered design on the parked car. It was quite artsy, really. However, the claims appraiser didn't agree with my artistic approach to auto detailing.

The long and short of it is, the owners of the vehicle were very understanding. Probably because my insurance company will pay for all damages, plus the cost of a rental car.

The whole experience was positive. My insurance company had the whole thing resolved in less than three hours. My neighbors, whose car I hit, think I'm wonderful for reporting it in the first place. And, as for me, I'm not leaving the house until the spring thaw, which could be June in upstate NY.

Burma Shave Nostalgia

Remeber those Burma Shave signs? I do. They originated in 1925 and went out of vogue in 1963. Now they're an American icon, with some in the Smithsonian Institute.

The familiar white on red signs, grouped by four, fives and sixes, were as much a part of a family trip as irritating your kid brother in the back seat of the family Studebaker.

At the height of their popularity there were 7,000 signs along America's highways. First you'd read one sign, then another, anticpating the punch line on number five and the familiar Burma-Shave on the sixth.

Those Burma-Shave signs allowed my brother to reach puberty. He used to drive me nuts on trips; poking and punching when my parents weren't looking. Then tattled when I punched back. Of course, I never did anything to him. All I wanted to do was read the Burma-Shave signs.

I used to love reading them along the highway. It was a great way to advertise shaving cream and lotion...and keep me from deep-sixing my brother. Now that I think about it, that's probably why I like advertising so much...and copywriting...and now my brother.

Here's another series of Burma-Shave signs on I-90. I think it was I-90. My long term memory is full of horse pucky fumes.

His cheek

Was rough

His chick vamoosed

And now she won't

Come home to roost

Burma-Shave

For more Burma-Shave slogans, go to www.fiftiesweb.com/burma.htm

Blue Hair and Bad Driving

It happened again! I was driving along, minding my own business, when someone in front of me with blue hair swerved across two lanes of traffic to make a right hand turn, missng me by a frog's hair. I never noticed the make of car; only the fact that the driver had blue hair.

We all know blue hair means one thing...little old ladies who don't see very well. I'm telling you, I think those blue haired grannies have magic powers. They always manage to miss hitting other vehicles while motoring along, but they're oblivious to the 20 car pile-up they just caused.

What's even more intriguing is the fact they all have blue hair. I think they must go to the same hair dresser while planning their attack during rush hour traffic.

I've learned two things through my harrowing blue hair experiences. One: When I see a driver with blue hair, I take another route. Two: I realize, at 65, I've fallen into little old lady status myself. I just don't have blue hair. I use L'Oreal.

It Happened Again

It happened again! What's with drivers who insist on using their cell phones while driving, or worse...text messaging! Some moron (whose gender will remain anonymous) almost ran me off the road because he had a cell phone "glued" to his ear and wasn't looking where he was going (now you know the gender). It isn't the first time this has happened and I suspect it won't be the last.

It's illegal in New York state to talk on a cell phone while driving; text messaging should invoke immediate jail time. The fine in our state for talking on a cell phone while driving is $100 pursuant to Vehicle and Traffic Law Section 1225C. Hands free mobile phones are the exception.

Someone I know got fined $250. Apparently the state trooper who caught her (yes, women do it too) was in a bad mood that day...probably sleep deprived from tracking down all those "drive while you use the cell phone" blockheaded nincompoops.

If you need to take or make a call, pull over and do it. Use your common sense. The next time I see someone on their cell phone while they're driving, I'm going to take the law into my own hands. I'll remember their driver's license, get their address, and send them an extra large bag of fresh horse pucky.