Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A Bear in the Driveway

I hit a bear in our driveway. The next thing I did was call my auto insurance company to file an accident report. A very pleasant young lady answered the phone and asked what type of vehicular accident I had.

"I hit a bear in our driveway", I exclaimed! "Omigosh", she said! "I didn't know there were any bears in your area." It was at this point when I realized, she thought I hit a real bear.  'H-m -m-m,' I mused, 'I can have a lot of fun with this one.'

"Are you okay", she asked? "Yeah, I'm okay, and the bear is still standing, but my brand new pick up truck is in really bad shape." The young lady asked, "Is it safe to send out a claims adjuster. I mean with bears and all in your area?" "Sure," I said. "Just make sure s/he brings along a very large sack, a tranquilizer gun, and a can of tuna." "TUNA?!" "Yeah, it's Friday, and bears eat tuna on Friday, during Lent."

By this time, I had the poor girl, who was only trying to do her job, all flustered and nervous about the possibility of the claims adjuster being mauled by a slightly wounded, disgruntled bear. So, I told her the truth. "I hit a carved bear in our driveway. It came with the house when we purchased it. I got my three month old pick up truck wedged between the stone wall that lines the driveway and the wooden bear. In order to cause the least amount of damage to the truck, I had to gun it forward to dislodge it from between a literal rock and a hard place." "Whew," she said with relief. "I'm glad it wasn't a real bear."

The wooden bear was fine; a carving from a 100 year old maple tree. My pick up truck wasn't. There was $3600 worth of dents, scrapes, and scratches to my recently purchased Chevy Silverado. The damages were totally covered by my insurance company with one stipulation. The claims adjuster said, "You WILL remove that bear from the driveway asap...RIGHT?!" "You bet," I enthusiastically responded!

The truck was restored to brand new. (In fact, I still have it.) We moved the bear to the side yard and called the place Bear Hollow Farm, where Mr. Bear got decorated for all the holidays and eventually went back to the original owners when we sold the farm.

And we all lived happily ever after. Except for the poor girl who is still confused by the bear accident.


Nick said...

Beers hits a bear - that has a poetic ring to it, yes?

lightly said...

in my neck of the woods you hit a bear , its a real bear. black bears are common sighting in the summer and they not scared of humans anymore.

lightly said...

ok wait i just realized something isn't that black jungle monster called "bear".

ok all u horse puckyers out there, send anything "bear" to pam, lets see how long it takes before her family and friends think she has totally lost it.

Anonymous said...

OMG! at first I thought you hit "bear" (either one!) I was hoping it was not my father! and glad that it was not the cat!


Robert Crane said...

brother, i thought you hit your cat and thought geez, you're a little too casual about killing your cat. glad to hear it was just a wooden bear. unfortunately though, as you have learned, they can do a lot of damage, like the time i hit a wooden cigar store indian (wasn't my fault, he was jaystanding).

Pamela Beers. said...

Nick: Nice to hear from you. You're right...it is sorta poetic.

lightly: Fortunately there are no black bears around here, except the jungle monster you refer to, whose name is Bear.

Sue: I keep forgetting your
Dad's nickname is "Bear". The worse thing I did to your father with the truck was roll up the automatic window with his hand on it. Now you know why they keep pointy objects away from me. Love you.

Robert: Geez Louise, boy! I said, "I hit A bear, not "I hit Bear." Too much vino in Paris?

Are you absolutely sure you hit a wooden Indian?

itsmecissy said...

I thought you hit your cat too...especially when you said to bring a can of tuna!

Whew, glad it was just a wooden bear (glad the truck's good as new too).