Horse Hair in Your Underwear

My new business is called Itch This, or IT for short. It's become quite popular.

The premise for the business is "payback" to husbands who are unkind and just plain disrespectful to their wives. Here's how it works: I get a call from the wife who is a victim of rudeness. The teary-eyed spouse then puts her husband's underwear in a plastic bag and delivers the bag to my house. My task is to launder the undergarments (boxers, briefs, tee shirts) in a special washing machine designed for dirty, hairy, horse blankets.

Everything (underwear and horse blankets) are washed together, then dried, folded and put into clean garment bags. It's a win-win situation. My horse blankets get cleaned, and the dispirited wife gets retribution along with a few good horse laughs.

The only one who has a problem is the boorish husband who can't figure out why he keeps itching uncontrollably all day.

Is Customer Service Dead?

This is how I felt yesterday.

What in the name of all that is holy has happened to customer service? Yesterday I called a doctor's office to get a fax number so I could send medical records to them. The person on the other end of the phone was a total idiot. Here's how the conversion went:

Other person (idiot): " Dr. XYZ's office." 

Me (Horse Pucky Queen aka Grambo): "Hi, I'm Pam Beers and I need a fax numnber so I can send medical records over to Dr. XYZ."

Other person: "I'm the office manager. The receptionist is off today and she is the one who gives out that information. She'll be back tomorrow."

Me: "You've got to be kidding! Do you mean to tell me you can't give me the fax number because it's not your job!"

Other person: "That's right. You'll have to call back tomorrow."

Me: "That's the most ridiculous, idiotic, horse pucky thing I've ever heard. Let me put it another way, give me the fax number now, or I'll be sure you never work for any doctor ever again."

Other person: The fax number is .....

Me: "Thank you and have a nice day."

I really think customer service is dead. 

A Different Kind of Mouse

Buzi Found a Mouse

Buzi has created a special place in my heart. I 'll always miss Bear because he was one of kind, but Buzi is one of those sweet little girl felines that make your heart melt whenever you look at her face.

Boo has decided she likes being an indoor cat, unlike Bear who was a mighty outdoor hunter of all things furry, feathered, scaly, and otherwise.

Yesterday Buzi became pesky while I was working on the computer. It was a busy writing day and office day, but she doesn't understand "busy; she just wanted to play. I told her, in jest, to go find a mouse. And she did, on the other computer.

It's a different kind of mouse. She's a different kind of cat. It was a cute photo op I couldn't resist. 

The Mushroom House

Mushroom House

One of Horse Pucky's readers, lightly, suggested that Randy, a Horse Pucky fan, build a cave. Lightly's comment was in response to a blog post on Randy's blog, Moody's Notebook titled, "The Next Big Idea". See Moody's Notebook under My Favorite Blogs to the right.

As a result of lightly's response, I became inspired to write a blog post about fancy caves. The fancy cave is the mushroom house in Perinton, NY. The house was built in 1971 by architect James H. Johnson. (Any relation, Randy?) The idea was to combine art with nature for the owners. I've been fascinated with this house ever since it was built because it's so unique in its architectural concept.  

The whimsical  house has five interconnected pods, which include three bedtooms, three baths, and a great room built on the side of a hill for a total of 4,168 square feet. It overlooks  a creek, waterfall and an outdoor hot tub. Last year the mushroom house was for sale for $1,100,000.

This puts a whole new meaning into cave dwelling.

It's also the perfect residence for those of us who are fed a lot of horse pucky and kept in the dark...like a mushroom. 

Horse Pucky Advice: Like It, Lump It, or Trim It

Dear Horse Pucky,

My husband and I live in a gaited community in Florida. We have a swimming pool in the back yard with a stone wall on either side of the pool for privacy. Our neighbor has a flowering tree with branches that hang over our stone wall. The damn tree drops flower blossoms into the pool and all over our patio, making a huge mess. 

We've asked the neighbor to cut his tree down and he refuses, saying the tree was there long before we were and we can like it or lump it. We reported him to the homeowners association and they said to settle the situation with our neighbor ourselves.

Maybe we'll sneak over there at night and put Roundup around the tree in hopes it'll die. What is the appropriate way of handling this maddening situation?

~Treed Off


Dear Treed,

What do you have against trees? Forget the Roundup!

Personally, I think flower blossoms in the pool are romantic. I'd go buy some floating candles, put them in the pool with the flower blossoms, and have a romantic tryst in the pool, with my husband, when the sun goes down. Don't forget the champagne. 

OR, you could invite your neighbors over for a pool cleaning party. OR, you could agree to trim the flowering branches that hang over the wall on your side of the patio. In any case, communicate softly and carry a bottle of bubbly with you when you start neighborly conversation.

~Horse Pucky