Halloweenie

Key West, Florida puts a whole new meaning into Halloween. This weekend is fantasy fest down there. From what I've been told, most of the locals leave town for the weekend. Those who stay are treated to some mighty interesting spectacles.

My daughter's medical practice is on the parade route, and she just informed me, while looking out her window, that most of the folks in the parade are naked except for some minor covering over their whoohas. That's what they call their private parts in Key West...whoohas. Those in the parade come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages. That in itself is a pretty scary thought.

Keeping in mind that Halloween is on Monday the 31st, I guess you can call those dangling, male parts parading around the city of Key West, Halloweenies. I'm not too sure what to call the partially clad females. In the 1950s we used to call them "seat covers".

Happy Halloween y'all!

Holy Guacamole!

I gotta tell ya, there's all kinds of stuff going on out there with my blogger pals. We have speeding BMWs flashing their high beams, sexy elves in trees with big boobs, a 105 year old man who looks like a leprechaun, wall street protesters, illegal immigrants and all sorts of interesting, fun stuff.

Then there are the commentors who are funny as heck. I'm almost certain one them is running around Vancouver trying to find one of those elves. We won't mention any names.

Holy guacamole, it's hard to keep up with it all! Thanks for the laughs, your interesting opinions, and most of all...thanks for being you.

Check my favorite blogs in the column to the right of this post. You'll be glad you did. 

Horse Pucky Advice: Life After Death

Dear Horse Pucky,

We just got back from a funeral for my Uncle Josh. Ater the funeral we all met at my cousin's house for brunch. Some moron started tallking about his religious beliefs or rather disbeliefs and said there is no life after death, no heaven, no nothing. His statement was, "When you're dead, you're dead!" I thought he was out of line and downright rude. What are your thoughts on this?

~I Hate Morons

Dear IHM,

First of all "Hate" is a pretty strong word, but anger is understandable when you're grieving. One of my rules in group situations like this is: Never discuss religion, politics, or sex unless you're ready for World War III.

We live in a country where we are able to practice religious freedom. Whether you believe or don't believe in a life after death is beside the point. The point is to respect others opinions and be especially compassionate during bereavement time. 

My personal opinion is, I think the person who brought this up in the first place is an insensitive dolt and totally out of line at a very sensitive time. Someone needs to send him a bag of horse pucky.

~Horse Pucky

In the Corner

It has been noted by several people that, when given the choice, I always choose a corner seat in a room. Someone asked me, "Why do you do that?" I replied, "It's probably because I spent most of my time in the corner as a kid."

Then I remember doing some pretty...uh...adventuresome things growing up.

Things like:

1. Setting my rag doll on fire and throwing it into my mother's upright baby grand piano.

2. Calling my father an S.O.B. at age 3 and having no clue what it meant. Mom said I must have heard the words S.O.B from one of the construction workers outside.

3. Blowing up a paint can and singeing my eyebrows.

4. Lighting a candle under the covers (I couldn't find a flashlight) so I could read when I was really supposed to be sleeping, which accidently set the sheets on fire.

5. Putting snakes in the bathtub.

6. Sneaking a pair of hamsters into the house which ended up being 30 hamsters. I had them well-hidden for a while.

...and the list goes on. Now you all know why I choose a corner chair. It's the safest place for me to be.

Cow Electricity

Farmers are now using fermented cow manure to generate electricity. It creates an interesting image for me. Everytime I go to turn the lights on, I'll picture myself basking in the romantic glow of cow plops while sitting on the sofa drinking an ice cold glass of milk, eating a bowl of ice cream, or snacking on cheese and crackers.

Cows are udderly amazing critters. They provide us with some of my favorite food groups, and now are able to generate electricity in a Go Green environment.

The next time you see "Bessie" moo cow, be sure to give her a carrot or an apple and thank her for her contributions to the kitchen table as well as her donation to an environmentally correct society.

As for me, I'm currently trying to figure out how to use horse pucky as an alternative to gasoline. When I find out, I'll let you know.