Grammy's Jammies

My grand daughter, Ivey, knows I like frogs. She also knows I like flannel pajamas during the winter months. Being the creative spirit she is, she happened to come upon a pair of flannel jammies with key lime green frogs on a black background and small white polka dots. She gave them to me for Christmas and I love those pajamas for many reasons.

Of course a selfie was in order.

Nester Ramos and Todd Clausen, both writers for the "Democrat & Chronicle", our local newspaper, were tweeting about selfies one day, so I decided to send Twitter a picture of yours truly in my frog jammies. The selfie tweet was favorited by the staff at the D&C as well as other influential and not so influential people in the city of Rochester.

I have no idea whatever possessed me to send this picture out to the world, but I have to say...it was fun! There was even a tweet back from 10 Downing Street. And that's no horse pucky.

Here's my selfie tweet, folks.  Please don't tell my family. Now, let's all go to Jenny's for a pj party.

Grammy's Jammies

Horse Pucky: Horsie Delights

Surprise, surprise. I decided to use Horse Pucky as the "H" word for alphabet Thursday.

You all know what horse pucky means by now; horse manure in polite circles; horse shit to me. In either case, I sell the cured reconstituted vegetable matter and call it HORSIE DELIGHTS.

HORSIE DELIGHTS work great! Your indoor and outdoor plants will love them. You can use them in at least four different ways.

1. Liquid plant food: Place one HORSIE DELIGHT (one dried horse poop) in a large size empty mayonnaise jar (or other suitable container). Fill with water and let sit for 8 hours. Use about 1/4 cup on indoor plants every other week, then watch 'em grow.

2. Put one HORSIE DELIGHT in a watering can. Let sit 6 hours then sprinkle on outdoor plants. Your flowers will have blossoms the size of pie plates. Well...almost.

3. Dry plant food: Place or crumble one or more HORSIE DELIGHTS on top of soil, around outdoor plants that need OOMPF and let rain wash into the soil.

4. Crumble 1/2 of a HORSIE DELIGHT on top of soil of indoor plant and water as usual. Repeat in eight weeks. 

This stuff works great. One bag of HORSIE DELIGHTS equals approximately 5 gallons of liquid organic plant food. It'll last 3.3 years for one plant. It improves the soil, provides slow release of nutrients, and grows bigger and better flowers, veggies, and fruit.

Currently there's a flower garden contest going on in my townhouse development of 225 town houses. Tomorrow I'll find out who the winner is and let you know. Of course I use HORSIE DELIGHTS in the garden.

Good Grief!

Something is seriously wrong with my horse pucky blog. I'll keep you posted. My pictures disappeard, my followers disappeared, what a mess! All I gotta say is horse pucky!!

~The Horse Pucky Queen

Alphabet Thursday - "V"

V is for vegetables.

Nothing fancy here, just plain, fresh, hand picked vegetables from the garden. I don't even have a recipe for you because I love to eat my veggies right out of the ground, or off the vine, or from a stalk. You can keep your dips, dunks, and frizzles, I like my produce au natural.

There are some favorite dishes I enjoy such as fresh asparagus sauteed with mushrooms, vegetarian chili with home grown tomatoes, and pizza with fresh garden veggies on top.

It's that time of year when I'm really looking forward to fresh produce from our local farmers at their roadside stands, as well as my own produce grown in large ceramic pots on the back patio. Fresh is best especially when it's fertilized with cured horse pucky.

Time to vacate the premises and see what's going on at Jenny's place.

Bon Appetit!

Fruit Loops



F is for fruit loops. They were a tasty breakfast treat when my children were in elementary school. After breakfast, in the summertime, all the neighborhood kids made necklaces out of the colorful fruit loops then strung their fruit loop necklaces on tree brances for the birds to eat.



Your job as horse pucky readers is to choose the real fruit loops in these images. The first person to respond gets a gift bag of Horsie Delights for your indoor plants. Send me your address so I can mail your gift.


Alphabet Thursday - "R"

RALPHIE

"R" is for Ralphie who is affectionately referred to as Ralphie the Moocher. When he wags his tail his whole body shimmies back and forth. This cute little corgie-beagle-whatever else mix looks up at me with those big brown eyes of his, and I just have to give him a dog bisquit. He's only allowed two; one before I clean stalls in the morning and one when I've completed my chores. I usally find the first bisquit buried in the bedding of the last stall I clean.

He's, without a  doubt, the cutest dog I've ever seen. When I first met him, he was quite ferocious, but as he got to know me, he decided I'd be a good pal. Probably because I'm a sucker for big brown eyes and carry dog bisquits in my pockets.  

This post was inspired by Jenny Matlock and Alphabet Thursday.

Is Customer Service Dead?

This is how I felt yesterday.

What in the name of all that is holy has happened to customer service? Yesterday I called a doctor's office to get a fax number so I could send medical records to them. The person on the other end of the phone was a total idiot. Here's how the conversion went:

Other person (idiot): " Dr. XYZ's office." 

Me (Horse Pucky Queen aka Grambo): "Hi, I'm Pam Beers and I need a fax numnber so I can send medical records over to Dr. XYZ."

Other person: "I'm the office manager. The receptionist is off today and she is the one who gives out that information. She'll be back tomorrow."

Me: "You've got to be kidding! Do you mean to tell me you can't give me the fax number because it's not your job!"

Other person: "That's right. You'll have to call back tomorrow."

Me: "That's the most ridiculous, idiotic, horse pucky thing I've ever heard. Let me put it another way, give me the fax number now, or I'll be sure you never work for any doctor ever again."

Other person: The fax number is .....

Me: "Thank you and have a nice day."

I really think customer service is dead. 

The Mushroom House

Mushroom House

One of Horse Pucky's readers, lightly, suggested that Randy, a Horse Pucky fan, build a cave. Lightly's comment was in response to a blog post on Randy's blog, Moody's Notebook titled, "The Next Big Idea". See Moody's Notebook under My Favorite Blogs to the right.

As a result of lightly's response, I became inspired to write a blog post about fancy caves. The fancy cave is the mushroom house in Perinton, NY. The house was built in 1971 by architect James H. Johnson. (Any relation, Randy?) The idea was to combine art with nature for the owners. I've been fascinated with this house ever since it was built because it's so unique in its architectural concept.  

The whimsical  house has five interconnected pods, which include three bedtooms, three baths, and a great room built on the side of a hill for a total of 4,168 square feet. It overlooks  a creek, waterfall and an outdoor hot tub. Last year the mushroom house was for sale for $1,100,000.

This puts a whole new meaning into cave dwelling.

It's also the perfect residence for those of us who are fed a lot of horse pucky and kept in the dark...like a mushroom. 

Horse Pucky Advice: Less is Best

Dear Horse Pucky,

A good friend of mine is very attractive. She has natural beauty without need of any makeup. The problem? She LOVES to wear makeup and always overdoes the eyeliner, making her look like Rocky Raccoon. Should I tell her she looks like Rocky or just keep my mouth shut? 

~Shut My Mouth

Dear SMM,

If she's a good friend, tell her in a nice way she looks much prettier without all the eyeliner. If she gets persnickety about the whole thing, buy her a pair of furry ear muffs to go along with the Rocky Raccoon look.

~Horse Pucky 

Horse Laugh

Our GOP candidates are definitely good for a horse laugh or two. Take Mitt Romney. He thinks, '$347K annually isn't very much money.' This is what he earns yearly as a public speaker on the side. How can he possibly relate to the general population he's supposed to be representing? It's actually funny.

Then there's old "Newtie". He's been reprimanded by the House of Representatives for ethics violations and was forced to resign his post from the House by members of his own party. 

Newt's on marriage number three to Callista, who is 23 years his junior. With her plastic hair and other bodily alterations, which include a nose job, face lift, and botox, I'd say they're both right up there with the Who's Who of Pretense.

It's all too much for the Horse Pucky Queen. What happened to morals, ethics, and values? In case you're wondering, I'm not voting for any of these guys. Why? Because the GOP is nothing more than a horse laugh most of the time, and a pile of horse pucky all of the time.   

Wanted: For Pond Abandonment

Bob Crane

If you see this guy let me know. He's the creator of Cranelegs Pond and he's wanted for reckless abandonment.

It's a bad idea to rile the Horse Pucky Queen, Robert, so I'm sending out an a.p.b. for you. 

Y'all know how to get in touch with me.

We miss you, Bobby.

Horse Pucky Shirts for Christmas

Jon wearing his HP shirt.

It wasn't my idea, honest. Three people ordered seven  Horse Pucky shirts to be embroidered and gift wrapped by Christmas. Jon is the proud recipient of one of the shirts, which he wanted for Christmas. What do you get a guy who has everything? A Horse Pucky shirt!

At least you get an idea of what the HP shirts look like when someone is wearing one.

The Granger Homestead Carriage Committee ordered a shirt to put in their horse-themed gift basket this year. It's the first time the basket of goodies received a $200 bid. The proceeds are used to preserve the historic Homestead in Canandaigua, NY. I'd like to think the HP shirt had something to do with the generous bid, especially since everyone thought it was hysterical.

Believe me, the shirts get lots of attention and loads of laughs. It's a fun and unique gift.

Of course, it helps to have a handsome man modeling the HP designer apparel. Jon can't wait to go mall walking to see how many women will notice his Horse Pucky shirt. I may have created a monster.

Times Square and Beyond

Lady GaGa

Normally on New Year's Eve I'm asleep on the sofa by 11:00 P.M., but this year I decided to stay up past midnight to watch the ball drop and check out the the musical entertainment in NYC. I've never had the opportunity to watch Lady GaGa and her crew perform, so I figured it might be fun. Well, I was wrong. I'm not sure if I'm getting too old for this sort of thing, but this is NOT entertainment; it's noise. As for the "Lady", she looked like an overgrown, black widow spider on a caffeine high with assorted spider mates flailing around beside her.

 Then there's Dick Clark. At age 82, I admire him for being in bustling, noisy Times Square in the first place, especially after a stroke. However, I think he may have been better off retiring to the sofa with a glass of bubbly, staying warm by the fireplace, and leaving all the noise and hoopla to the under-age drunks in New York city.

What is especially noteworthy is the contrast between the two entertainers, Lady GaGa and Dick Clark. While I'm chuckling at the dichotomy between the two characters, they're both laughing all the way to the bank, but for different reasons.

I really think the key to being prosperous in 2012 is to have a gimmick like the "Lady"and Dick. Everyone needs a gimmick; something beyond Time Square. Think about what you really want to do and who you really want to become in 2012, and then go for it. I'm going to continue my journey as The Horse Pucky Queen. I'm having fun with that, without a clue as to where it will take me.

I can assure you there will be no Lady Horse Pucky for me. Why? Because it's good to be queen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 

Cranberries and Spooky Happenings

cranberries

Cranberries are one of my favorite foods. They not only taste good but they're good for you and can be used in a multitude of recipes.

 I thought cranberries grew in bogs further north than upstate NY, so I was surprised to see a couple of stray cranberry plants in the woods, down by the creek, behind my townhouse. It was late afternoon when I decided to go for a stroll. Before too long the sun started to set, and I thought, 'I need to get back home before it gets dark because I'm alone and it's kinda creepy back here in the woods.'

However, those little red berries intrigued me and I figured if I pilfered at least one plant, I'd plant it in my garden, nurture it, and grow my own berries for the holidays. I waded across the creek in my neoprene rubber boots, bent over to pull up one of the plants, then slipped and fell into the creek.  Apparantly the water was warmer than the air because, when I stood up, I was steaming from neck to toe.

As I was making my way home in the dark I was thinking, "As soon as I get into the house, I'm going to make a cup of hot tea because I'm freezing." The air temp was 36 degrees. By the time I got to the door, there were two firetrucks, and two Irondequoit police cars, one with a K-9 unit.

My neighbor is a volunteer fireman. He looked out his back window and saw a headless form walking out of the woods with steam emaninating from its body and decided to call 911.

I never did get that cranberry plant, but I got a lot of metaphorical horse pucky from the neighbors. As for the fireman and the police, I told them I was happy to see my tax dollars hard at work. I gave the German shepherd a dog bisquit. 

Debts 'R' Us

I am sick and tired listening to people bluster on and on and on, ad nauseum, about the current economic climate being the result of our current administration. Turn off the damn TV and start reading economic history!

The United States has had a public debt of $75,463,476 since its founding in 1791 as a result of the American Revolutionary War. The debt got paid off because there were 14 budget surpluses and 2 deficits. Then there was a sharp debt increase because of the War of 1812. The U.S. paid off 99.97% of that debt due to surpluses.

Here's where it starts really going downhill fast. As a result of the Civil War, the debt was $65 million in 1860, passed $1 billion in 1863 and by the end of the war reached $2.7 billion. During the following 47 years there were 36 surpluses and 11 deficits with 55% of the debt paid off.

Do you see more than one pattern here? There have been, and continue to be, layers and layers of political horse pucky thrown at the American people for the last 225 years. Turn off your TV and read some economic history. Think for yourself. Then vote for The Horse Pucky Queen.

P.S.Many thanks to wikipedia for a quick synposis of the historical data in this blog post. You may want to read, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, by Edward Gibbon. It's scary...we're almost there.

Rustling Reeds

Reeds on Irondequoit Bay

There are instances when I do some really dumb things. I mean really dumb!

See the reeds in the picture, to the right? Not only do I like to photograph them; I like to cut them, dry them, and use them for decoration as I do other natural flora and fauna in November.

The first time I decided to try this, I carefully cut an armful of reeds to the desired length, so the reeds would fit nicely into the decorated milk can I use for floral arrangements. Then I hung the reeds upside down, and outside to dry for a week. After they were properly dried, I brought the dehydrated  reeds into the house and plunked them into the milk can, where I displayed them in the corner of the living room. They looked really pretty and I was complimented on how something as simple as a local "weed" could add such a nice touch to the decor.

About one month went by and I started to hear rustling noises in the living room. Then it went away. Then it came back. This went on for about three days. I finally figured out where the rustling sound was coming from because after 30 days there was major movement coming from the milk can.

There were millions of bugs nesting in the reeds...I mean millions! The warm temperature in the house re-activated the little buggers. Little did I know that I was supposed to expose my dried hanging arrangement to at least a couple of major frosts in order to kill any dormant critters. Shame on me.

Reeds, milk can, and ribbon went out the back door as fast as you can say "Horse Pucky". It all got tossed in the woods, except the milk can, which got scrubbed. The rest of the house got liberally sprayed with Raid and I spent a lot of time in the barn, which is a polite way of saying I was in the doghouse.

Now I use silk flowers in the milk can. I still spend a lot of time at the barn...but not for the same reason.

Horse Pucky Advice: Odd Gift

Dear Horse Pucky,

My husband wanted to buy me something different for my birthday. He wanted it to be practical yet sexy. You'll never believe what he got me! A purse-size taser gun! He thought it was sexy because it fit in my purse and that I'd be safe in case of an emergency.

I hate the damn thing. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that I refuse to carry it in my purse and I think it's the dumbest gift he ever bought me. What should I do?

~Mrs. Taser

Dear MT,

Your husband is just looking out for your best interests. HOWEVER, I'd seriously think of using that sexy, yet practical gift on him.

~Horse Pucky

Holy Guacamole!

I gotta tell ya, there's all kinds of stuff going on out there with my blogger pals. We have speeding BMWs flashing their high beams, sexy elves in trees with big boobs, a 105 year old man who looks like a leprechaun, wall street protesters, illegal immigrants and all sorts of interesting, fun stuff.

Then there are the commentors who are funny as heck. I'm almost certain one them is running around Vancouver trying to find one of those elves. We won't mention any names.

Holy guacamole, it's hard to keep up with it all! Thanks for the laughs, your interesting opinions, and most of all...thanks for being you.

Check my favorite blogs in the column to the right of this post. You'll be glad you did. 

Horse Pucky Advice: Life After Death

Dear Horse Pucky,

We just got back from a funeral for my Uncle Josh. Ater the funeral we all met at my cousin's house for brunch. Some moron started tallking about his religious beliefs or rather disbeliefs and said there is no life after death, no heaven, no nothing. His statement was, "When you're dead, you're dead!" I thought he was out of line and downright rude. What are your thoughts on this?

~I Hate Morons

Dear IHM,

First of all "Hate" is a pretty strong word, but anger is understandable when you're grieving. One of my rules in group situations like this is: Never discuss religion, politics, or sex unless you're ready for World War III.

We live in a country where we are able to practice religious freedom. Whether you believe or don't believe in a life after death is beside the point. The point is to respect others opinions and be especially compassionate during bereavement time. 

My personal opinion is, I think the person who brought this up in the first place is an insensitive dolt and totally out of line at a very sensitive time. Someone needs to send him a bag of horse pucky.

~Horse Pucky

Cow Electricity

Farmers are now using fermented cow manure to generate electricity. It creates an interesting image for me. Everytime I go to turn the lights on, I'll picture myself basking in the romantic glow of cow plops while sitting on the sofa drinking an ice cold glass of milk, eating a bowl of ice cream, or snacking on cheese and crackers.

Cows are udderly amazing critters. They provide us with some of my favorite food groups, and now are able to generate electricity in a Go Green environment.

The next time you see "Bessie" moo cow, be sure to give her a carrot or an apple and thank her for her contributions to the kitchen table as well as her donation to an environmentally correct society.

As for me, I'm currently trying to figure out how to use horse pucky as an alternative to gasoline. When I find out, I'll let you know.