Horse Pucky: Horsie Delights

Surprise, surprise. I decided to use Horse Pucky as the "H" word for alphabet Thursday.

You all know what horse pucky means by now; horse manure in polite circles; horse shit to me. In either case, I sell the cured reconstituted vegetable matter and call it HORSIE DELIGHTS.

HORSIE DELIGHTS work great! Your indoor and outdoor plants will love them. You can use them in at least four different ways.

1. Liquid plant food: Place one HORSIE DELIGHT (one dried horse poop) in a large size empty mayonnaise jar (or other suitable container). Fill with water and let sit for 8 hours. Use about 1/4 cup on indoor plants every other week, then watch 'em grow.

2. Put one HORSIE DELIGHT in a watering can. Let sit 6 hours then sprinkle on outdoor plants. Your flowers will have blossoms the size of pie plates. Well...almost.

3. Dry plant food: Place or crumble one or more HORSIE DELIGHTS on top of soil, around outdoor plants that need OOMPF and let rain wash into the soil.

4. Crumble 1/2 of a HORSIE DELIGHT on top of soil of indoor plant and water as usual. Repeat in eight weeks. 

This stuff works great. One bag of HORSIE DELIGHTS equals approximately 5 gallons of liquid organic plant food. It'll last 3.3 years for one plant. It improves the soil, provides slow release of nutrients, and grows bigger and better flowers, veggies, and fruit.

Currently there's a flower garden contest going on in my townhouse development of 225 town houses. Tomorrow I'll find out who the winner is and let you know. Of course I use HORSIE DELIGHTS in the garden.

Horsie Delights

Horsie Delights started out as a joke.

My good friend, Carla and I were having lunch together. I met Carla 20 years ago when I was a manufacturers rep and she was a purchasing agent at one of my accounts. We've been close friends ever since. She always said I could sell anything. Between bites of sandwiches and sips of iced tea, she bet me I could sell horse pucky. I said, "Your'e on!" (Horse poop chat during lunch is only reserved for close friends.)

Together we came up with the name Horsie Delights, along with the packaging design, marketing ideas, and our unique patented dehydrating process.

Through three months of time, testing, and research (and equal amounts of laughter), we found the perfect 100% organic plant food. I use it on all my plants, both inside and outside. The blossoms on all my plants are huge and the foliage is lush green. My plants are not bothered by insects, mold, mildew, or fungus.

As I mentioned before, Horsie Delights started out as a joke. They were first introduced at a craft show four years ago. People started buying horse pucky gift bags as gag gifts for bachelor parties, wedding showers, anniversaries, bosses day, or any situation where someone needs a good rib. Currently there are a couple of garden stores in the area who carry them, both for organic as well as whimsical reasons.

Horsie Delights is a lot of fun. There's always a creative way to earn a few bucks. The point is: You can sell anything if it's marketed well, including horse shit.

Frozen Horse Pucky

Yup. Here it is. Beautiful upstate New York in winter. At least that's what it looked like last week. It took a couple of days to get shoveled out, then three days later it got warm...57 degrees. I actually have flowers blooming in my gardens. I threw some fresh horse pucky into both the front and back garden, did a bit of mulching, and expect to have mutant plants by spring.

I suspect it will turn cold and snowy within the next few days. That's okay with me. I think snow is beautiful. It offers me some time to hunker down and reflect. When it's cold and snowy I fix a cup of hot, steaming chocolate topped with miniature marshmallows. Bear, being the curious cat he is, likes to check out what's in that steaming mug and ends up getting his little black nose stuck to a marshmallow.

My reflections on a cold winter days usually end up with ideas on 'how to use what you have and make money'. Keep in mind, my ideas don't always produce income, but I have fun trying. This time I came up with a new invention for frozen horse pucky. Can't tell you about it now, 'cause I have to feed Bear. Tomorrow is another day. I think Scarlet O'Hara said that in Gone With The Wind. I wonder if there was horse pucky at Tara?

Totally Unique Christmas Gift...Horsie Delights

Are you stuck for ideas as to what to get that 'someone special' for Christmas? You came to the right place. In fact, our bags of Horsie Delights® are flying off the shelf.

Seriously folks, people give their bosses, spouses, friends, and family Horsie Delights® as gag gifts. One lady told me, "I've always wanted to give my husband a bag of shit for Christmas." She bought a bag for $7.00!

For serious gardeners, the patented de-hydrating process we use, makes Horsie Delights® the perfect gift for those who want to keep their indoor house plants perky over the cold winter months. I use them on my indoor plants, and they flourish.

Horsie Delights® is 100% organic. The bag is the size of a standard lunch bag and only cost $7.00/bag, which includes tax, shipping, and handling. Laughter is free.

If you're interested, I'll send you a bag. For a lot laughs, healthy plants, and a truly unique Christmas gift, buy a bag of Horsie Delights® while they last. We even have sweatshirts with our infamous logo. The cuddly, long sleeve, sweatshirts are $25.00 which includes tax, shipping, and handling.

As soon as I figure out how to put Pay Pal on this blog, we're in business. Until then, I accept personal checks by snail mail.

Happy Holidays from the Horsie Delights staff, especially our manufacturing team.

Horse Pucky Explained

All righty then, to your left we have horse pucky or horse manure. Pucky is also called that other four letter word that begins with an "s" and ends with a "t" but is too crass to mention in polite company.

When properly cured, pucky is great for your garden and indoor plants. It's also symbolizes the state of our nation and all the people in our nation who are full of...well...horse pucky, which is the real reason I've started this blog.

I like people who say it like it is. No nonsense, just the real deal. No tippy-toeing around the issues for me. Walking on eggshells to avoid honest conversation is uncomfortable and a drag. It makes me impatient waiting for the real communication to start. Sorry, I guess I'm not great at small talk.

There's an awful lot of pucky flying around these days. Of course when it lands I guess I need to think of it as cultivating my garden of patience...or is that impatients...no it's impatiens, those herbal, saccate flowers with dehiscent capsules. See what I mean.