Dear Horse Pucky,
My husband wanted to buy me something different for my birthday. He wanted it to be practical yet sexy. You'll never believe what he got me! A purse-size taser gun! He thought it was sexy because it fit in my purse and that I'd be safe in case of an emergency.
I hate the damn thing. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that I refuse to carry it in my purse and I think it's the dumbest gift he ever bought me. What should I do?
~Mrs. Taser
Dear MT,
Your husband is just looking out for your best interests. HOWEVER, I'd seriously think of using that sexy, yet practical gift on him.
~Horse Pucky
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Treats Instead of Tricks at the Convent
This Halloween I decided to do a little trick-or-treating on my own rather than answer the door for the little crumb crunchers in my neighborhood. I figured a safe place to go would be to the local convent a few blocks away from my townhouse.
Around 6:30 p.m. I drove my pick up truck to the nunnery and parked it in their driveway, disguised as myself. I rang the convent bell, holding an empty champagne glass, with a huge grin on my face. The Sisters of Mercy actually let me in. They poured me a glass of champagne, fixed me an elegant meal, and sent me home with a box of chocolate teddy grahams.
It was one of the best Halloween Eve's I've had in a long time; especially after the second glass of champagne accompanied by loads of laughs.
The best part is having a box of chocolate teddy grahams all to myself.
Around 6:30 p.m. I drove my pick up truck to the nunnery and parked it in their driveway, disguised as myself. I rang the convent bell, holding an empty champagne glass, with a huge grin on my face. The Sisters of Mercy actually let me in. They poured me a glass of champagne, fixed me an elegant meal, and sent me home with a box of chocolate teddy grahams.
It was one of the best Halloween Eve's I've had in a long time; especially after the second glass of champagne accompanied by loads of laughs.
The best part is having a box of chocolate teddy grahams all to myself.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Halloweenie
Key West, Florida puts a whole new meaning into Halloween. This weekend is fantasy fest down there. From what I've been told, most of the locals leave town for the weekend. Those who stay are treated to some mighty interesting spectacles.
My daughter's medical practice is on the parade route, and she just informed me, while looking out her window, that most of the folks in the parade are naked except for some minor covering over their whoohas. That's what they call their private parts in Key West...whoohas. Those in the parade come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages. That in itself is a pretty scary thought.
Keeping in mind that Halloween is on Monday the 31st, I guess you can call those dangling, male parts parading around the city of Key West, Halloweenies. I'm not too sure what to call the partially clad females. In the 1950s we used to call them "seat covers".
Happy Halloween y'all!
My daughter's medical practice is on the parade route, and she just informed me, while looking out her window, that most of the folks in the parade are naked except for some minor covering over their whoohas. That's what they call their private parts in Key West...whoohas. Those in the parade come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages. That in itself is a pretty scary thought.
Keeping in mind that Halloween is on Monday the 31st, I guess you can call those dangling, male parts parading around the city of Key West, Halloweenies. I'm not too sure what to call the partially clad females. In the 1950s we used to call them "seat covers".
Happy Halloween y'all!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Holy Guacamole!
I gotta tell ya, there's all kinds of stuff going on out there with my blogger pals. We have speeding BMWs flashing their high beams, sexy elves in trees with big boobs, a 105 year old man who looks like a leprechaun, wall street protesters, illegal immigrants and all sorts of interesting, fun stuff.
Then there are the commentors who are funny as heck. I'm almost certain one them is running around Vancouver trying to find one of those elves. We won't mention any names.
Holy guacamole, it's hard to keep up with it all! Thanks for the laughs, your interesting opinions, and most of all...thanks for being you.
Check my favorite blogs in the column to the right of this post. You'll be glad you did.
Then there are the commentors who are funny as heck. I'm almost certain one them is running around Vancouver trying to find one of those elves. We won't mention any names.
Holy guacamole, it's hard to keep up with it all! Thanks for the laughs, your interesting opinions, and most of all...thanks for being you.
Check my favorite blogs in the column to the right of this post. You'll be glad you did.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Horse Pucky Advice: Life After Death
Dear Horse Pucky,
We just got back from a funeral for my Uncle Josh. Ater the funeral we all met at my cousin's house for brunch. Some moron started tallking about his religious beliefs or rather disbeliefs and said there is no life after death, no heaven, no nothing. His statement was, "When you're dead, you're dead!" I thought he was out of line and downright rude. What are your thoughts on this?
~I Hate Morons
Dear IHM,
First of all "Hate" is a pretty strong word, but anger is understandable when you're grieving. One of my rules in group situations like this is: Never discuss religion, politics, or sex unless you're ready for World War III.
We live in a country where we are able to practice religious freedom. Whether you believe or don't believe in a life after death is beside the point. The point is to respect others opinions and be especially compassionate during bereavement time.
My personal opinion is, I think the person who brought this up in the first place is an insensitive dolt and totally out of line at a very sensitive time. Someone needs to send him a bag of horse pucky.
~Horse Pucky
We just got back from a funeral for my Uncle Josh. Ater the funeral we all met at my cousin's house for brunch. Some moron started tallking about his religious beliefs or rather disbeliefs and said there is no life after death, no heaven, no nothing. His statement was, "When you're dead, you're dead!" I thought he was out of line and downright rude. What are your thoughts on this?
~I Hate Morons
Dear IHM,
First of all "Hate" is a pretty strong word, but anger is understandable when you're grieving. One of my rules in group situations like this is: Never discuss religion, politics, or sex unless you're ready for World War III.
We live in a country where we are able to practice religious freedom. Whether you believe or don't believe in a life after death is beside the point. The point is to respect others opinions and be especially compassionate during bereavement time.
My personal opinion is, I think the person who brought this up in the first place is an insensitive dolt and totally out of line at a very sensitive time. Someone needs to send him a bag of horse pucky.
~Horse Pucky
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