Stickers Suck

Snacking is one of my favorite sports. I try to be cognizant of eating nutritious snacks, so I have a bowl of fruit handy with apples and bananas. What I want to know is who puts those @#$? stickers on the fruit? It's not just one apple or one banana, it's all of them.

 I think whoever does this has some major psychosis going on. It's a global plot to turn us all into raving lunatics. There are some serious practical problems with this.

If you don't have long fingernails, you're doomed to eat the stickers along with the fruit. Have you ever tried just peeling off the sticker? Of course it doesn't come right off. By the time you're finished with your annoying sticker removal, you've gouged a hole in your apple or bruised you banana (no pun intended guys). I tell you it's a real pain in the posterior.

That's why I like my chocolate Teddy Grahams. No muss. No fuss. No sucky stickers.

Treats Instead of Tricks at the Convent

This Halloween I decided to do a little trick-or-treating on my own rather than answer the door for the little crumb crunchers in my neighborhood. I figured a safe place to go would be to the local convent a few blocks away from my townhouse.

Around 6:30 p.m. I drove my pick up truck to the nunnery and parked it in their driveway, disguised as myself. I rang the convent bell, holding an empty champagne glass, with a huge grin on my face. The Sisters of Mercy actually let me in. They poured me a glass of champagne, fixed me an elegant meal, and sent me home with a box of chocolate teddy grahams.

It was one of the best Halloween Eve's I've had in a long time; especially after the second glass of champagne accompanied by loads of laughs.

The best part is having a box of chocolate teddy grahams all to myself.