Horse Pucky Advice: Face Lifts and Beyond

Dear Horse Pucky,

My husband was looking at me kind of funny when I got out of the shower this morning and mentioned that certain parts of my anatomy are looking droopy. He suggested plastic surgery to "perk up" those parts and even offered to pay for the procedures. I'm leery to go under the knife for any reason. What should I  do?

~Droopy


Dear Droopy,

Don't do it!! I'm sure you're beautiful just the way you are. As we age, gravity naturally takes over, and who cares anyway. I mean, what's really important here! If you want to tone up, go to the gym and find a trainer who will help you get into shape gradually.

Have your husband take a good look at what's drooping on him, then offer him a can of spray starch along with a can of putty and a sharp-edged putty knife.

~Horse Pucky

Valentine Question for Jon

Jon already asked me what I wanted for Valentine's Day and I told him. ( See January 28th post.) What I neglected to tell you is what Jon said when I asked him, "Hey, honey, what do YOU want for Valentine's day?" He said, "A little piece and quiet."

Valentine Question

This morning, Jon asked me what I wanted for Valentine's Day. I suggested, "Something sparkly." He smiled that handsome smile of his and said, "Oh great, I'll buy you a bottle of sparklng ginger ale."

I guess, with some men, women have to be VERY specific.

A Female Perspective on the Male Point of View

Why is it men's eye glaze over when women want to go somewhere culturally stimulating...like the art gallery?

Then there's the audible groan heard 'round the world when a healthy but tasty meal is suggested. This isn't a water and yogurt meal; it's a meal suggestion consisting of grilled chicken, fresh green beans, and a nice salad with fresh-from-the-garden cukes, tomatoes, onions and assorted greens with a nice raspberry sorbet for dessert.

Generally, men would rather watch a blood and guts hockey game, preferably with someone getting their teeth knocked out, followed by, or included with, a pork hot dog with everything on it, greasy french fries and a cold, but soon to be warm, beer. The thought of blood, loose teeth, hot dogs, and warm beer makes my stomach want to do flip flops.

My favorite is the innocent, but thoughtless remark. "If you lose weight, I'll buy you a nice dress for the wedding in two months. Not that you're fat or anything, but you'd look really HOT if you lost about ten pounds. Or maybe not. You're really beautiful just the way you are. Actually, you're really beautiful." Of course, by this time, it's too late to save the male end of this conversation.

There you have it. Men really are from Mars. I'm not too sure where women are from. We're just different.