Three Bears and a Blond

Once upon a time there were three bears and a blond. Or was it three blonds and a bear. Maybe it was three bare blonds. I can't remember. Anyway, it's no wonder my generation grew up a bit off center. It's tough keeping all those fairy tales, kiddie stories, and adult novels straight.

Think about what would happen if we mixed it up a bit, incorporating the old with the new.  Hm-m-m, now lets see...

Once upon a time there were three bare blonds who decided to go frolicking through the woods to grandma's house in search of Prince Charming. Lo and behold Prince Charming who divorced Cinderella, Prince Charming who divorced Snow White and Prince Charming who divorced Liz Taylor were all looking for three bare blonds. What a perfect set-up! Or so one would think.

When they all discovered one another, they realized it was lust at first sight. The six of them danced the night away and then went, separately, on their merry way. All three Princes rode off on their horses to play polo, while the three bare blonds proceeded to grandma's place. However, when they got there, there were three wolves waiting for them.

Grandma fixed everyone homemade spaghetti and meatballs and a tossed salad for dinner. The three wolves and the three bare blonds fell in love with each another, and they all lived happily ever after.

Moral of story: Sometimes a wolf who likes spaghetti and meatballs is a better catch than a Prince who likes to horse around.

There you have it; a fractured fairy tale from the Horse Pucky Queen.

Horse Pucky Advice: Cat's Favorite

Dear Horse Pucky,

Our family cat likes my wife better than me. Why is that? ~Cat Lover Too

Dear CL Too,

Maybe it's your after shave, the tone of your voice, or how you treat your wife. Give the cat some cat treats, then take your wife out for a romantic dinner for two. Be sure you don't get the two mixed up.

If you really want to impress the Mrs., plant a rose bush. Dig two feet deep, add some horse pucky, then put in the rose bush, cover with topsoil, and water. She'll love it.

The cat may decide to like you better, 'cause that's how cats are. ~ Horse Pucky

Enjoy the day!  ~The Horse Pucky Queen

Horse Pucky Advice: In-laws and Limburger Cheese

Dear Horse Pucky,

Usually I love summer, but my in-laws are visiting for two months and I'm dreading it. How do I deal with this? ~Disgruntled Daughter-in-law

Dear DD,

You can serve them Limburger cheese with Brussels sprouts for dinner. OR leave town and stay with YOUR family for two months. OR put fresh horse pucky in your garden, which is usually a guarantee your in-laws won't stick around for long. ~Horse Pucky

Have a great day, y'all. ~The Horse Pucky Queen

Popular Request

There have been several requests for a Horse Pucky Advice Column. There's no way I'm gonna pass up that opportunity. Click on the appropriate tab above for some not-so-kosher suggestions on how to live life to the fullest.

Under the picture of Horse Pucky, are tabs marked "Home", "Horse Pucky Tee Shirts" and "Horse Pucky Advice Column". You may click on any of those tabs to find the content that fits the title. Then click on "Home" to come back to the main Horse Pucky page.

For those of you who need more assistance, here's the bottom line; when you click on follwing tabs this is what you'll get:

"Home" = main Horse Pucky page.
"Horse Pucky Tee Shirts" = Order a T-shirt or just browse for the fun of it.
"Horse  Pucky Advice" = Cheap psychotherapy.

FYI: The Horse Pucky tee shirts are the latest rage in Rochester.

For recommendations that are full of horse pucky, be sure to click on the above "Horse Pucky Advice" tab.

Have a great day, y'all.

~The Horse Pucky Queen

Change the Paradigm

It's no great news that our education system is older than dirt. It's time we change the paradigm. We need a model of education that taps into a child's true interests. We need to encourage them to pursue those interests rather than march them through a system that teaches them to regurgitate correct answers to  questions on a standardized test that no one gives a hoot about anyway. It's educational horse pucky.

Let's challenge these students to address the current environment in which they live so they can do something about it. Instead of thinking linearly, we need to encourage them to come up with more than one answer to questions asked. There is always more than one way to do a job, solve a problem, develop an idea, and create a plan. Get going by changing the paradigm. Give children the opportunity to grow into the brilliant stars they are meant to be.

A Real Groaner

Jon told me yesterday that A. Weiner, Representative for NYC's 9th district and the brunt of the latest sexting scandal, got a job at Oscar Mayer. See what I have to deal with!

Sounds like someone is full of horse pucky.

There Must Be Something In The Air

There must be something in the air, in New York State, that makes people do stupid, crazy things.

Without sounding too hokey, Congressman Anthony Weiner is a real wiener who can't keep his weenie where it belongs. He's part of a new trend of politicians who seem to think that exposing themselves on their blackberries to unsuspecting females is cute or funny or a turn-on. What a bunch of numb nuts.

First there was our Democratic Party governor, Eliot Spitzer, who, in March of 2008, was patronizing a prostitution service called Emperors Club VIP. Next came Chris Lee, Republican Party U.S. Representative who texted himself half naked to an unknown female on Craigslist. Now we have A. Weiner (how appropriate), who sent pictures of himself in his underwear to various women.

So far we have two New York Democrats, and one Republican who think they're hot stuff. There are probably lots more who haven't  been caught yet.

I think we, as responsible voters, should take our elected politicians' taxpayer-funded blackberries away. Then we need to clean up whatever pollutants are in the air that are making our elected officials act like teenage boys on a bad testosterone trip.

C'mon guys! You're all thinking with the wrong head.

Chuckens

I think I've lost it. It's been two days since I've had any sleep. Bear cat went to the veterinary emergency clinic over the weekend, and my Mom was admitted into the hospital yesterday. Where am I going with all this...I don't know, except that I just had a thought I'd like to share with you. I was thinking if you crossed a chuck roast with a chicken you'd have chuckens. It's pretty pathetic isn't it? This is how I think with no sleep. 

Bear's doing better. We're waiting to see how Mom does. I think I'll take a cat nap.