Tip of the Day

Horse Pucky tip of the day: When you're in Key West, don't drop the soap. Or at least don't bend over to pick it up.

Church Bulletin Bloopers

After church I always pick up the parish bulletin to see what's going on in our community. The wonderful ladies in our church, who put the bulletin together, are usually very accurate in their reporting and keyboarding, but every once in a while they make typographical boo-boos and/or grammatical errors. 

Here are a few bloopers that made me laugh:

1. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of the things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

2. The sermon this morning, 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon this evening, 'Searching for Jesus'.

3. A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

4. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

5. Potluck supper this Sunday at 5:30 pm. Prayer and medication to follow.

6. This evening at 7:00 pm there will be a hymn singing at the park across from the church. Bring your blankets and come prepared to sin.

7. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Parish would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

8. The associate pastor has a new fund raising slogan: 'I upped my campaign pledge, so up yours.'

Again, anyone who writes anything, be sure to PROOFREAD!

The Horse Pucky Party

At last! A memorable gubernatorial debate right here in upstate New York! And on local television too! There are seven political parties represented for the job of New York State Governor.

The first two parties are all too familiar. After listening to their usual same-old-do-nothing-no-ideas rhetoric, I mentally tuned out all but three candidates. Those three were very intriguing and are starred below.

1. Democratic Party: Andrew Cuomo, with his running mate, our ever-popular, Rochester Mayor, Bob Duffy. A well-oiled political machine. A little too slick for my taste.

2. Republican Party: Carl Paladino.Don't know who his running mate is. In fact, I never even heard of Paladino before this election. After hearing Paladino in the debate, his running mate would be smart to keep running...all the way to some foreign border town, perhaps Canada. Sorry, lightly.

*3. Anti-Prohibition Party: Kirsten Davis, the Manhattan Madam. I really like her. She's smart!

4. Freedom Party: Charlie Barron. Wasn't impressed at all.

5. Green Party: Howie Hawkins. I think he's had a bit too much green tea. He may even wear green underwear.

*6. Libertarian Party: Warren Redlich...This guy had some good ideas.

And, last but not least...

*7. Rent-Is-Too-Damn-High Party: Jimmy McMillan. He's for the "little guy" who's struggling to pay rent in New York City 'cause "The rent is too damn high!"

I like what Kristen Davis has to say. She wants more charter schools. Me too. She wants to legalize marijuana and prostitution. Me too. During the debate, she stayed on track when a question was asked, answering with confidence, without a lot of horse pucky. My favorite statement from her is, "Politicians are the worst prostitutes in the state. I may be the only person sitting on this stage able to deal with them."  I say, "AMEN!"

Warren Redlich wants to get rid of unnecessary committees that cost taxpayers beaucoup bucks. There's a transportation commitee with three guys, who meet three times a month with no accountability, each making an annual salary of $100,000 = $300,000. Redlich said, "Jimmy, Howie, and I would charge a total of $300, a six-pack of beer, and a pizza, 'cause that's all the committee is worth...if that much"

Next gubernatorial election, I'm going to start The Horse Pucky Party and run for Governor of New York State. My motto: If you really care about this state...don't hesitate...vote for someone who can sling it better than anybody. Whaddaya' think folks? Do I get your vote?     

The Good Old Days Weren't So Groovy

For those of us, (especially you women) who think the "good old days" were better, take a peek at these:

Yipes!!! These make me want to gag before I go on a wild rampage. I hope all you young whipper snappers

out there appreciate what us old timers did to eradicate female oppression. I'm still workin' on it.

And that ain't no horse pucky!

The Buffalo Pansies

Bring Jim Kelly back...as an owner! The current owner of the Buffalo Bills, Ralph Wilson will be 92 on October 17th. It shows.

At least, management finally let Trent Edwards go. Thank goodness. Trent throws like a girl. (Sorry ladies.)  On a bad day, I can throw a football farther and faster than Trent and I'm old enough to be his grandmother.

It has been rumored that our neighbors across the big pond will be picking The Bills up for $2.98 plus tax. Get your passports ready, guys. Canada is waiting.

Maybe I should take over the Buffalo Bills. We'll call the team, The Buffalo Pansies or maybe they should be called The Buffalo Pansies now. Or...maybe we should just donate them to Canada. Whaddya think?