Lern How 2 Rite Good

Riting Writing good well creatively effectively (the hell with it) is hard difficult.  Its It's an art form. Peeple People hoo who write rite write understand watt I'm saying. Thare are sum daze when I cant come up with a singel idea, such as this evenings blog poste post.

The moral of this minee lesson: Lern how 2 rite good. U may becum a famus riter sumday Sunday sumday. And that aint no horse pucky.

The New Unexpurgated Version of Snow White

My Horse Pucky pals continue to give me literary food for thought, spiced up with magnitudes of wacky inspiration. Their posts are great! Because of their clever witticisms and sense of the absurd, I'm going to present a premise for a new unexpurgated version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that will rival Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm. Thanks for the inspiration y'all.

Instead of the wicked Queen, who is really Snow White's stepmother, we'll have GRAMBO, the meanest grandmother this side of the Canadian Border. Grambo's seven dwarf pals will be NUTS, SURLY, SHIFTY, CANTANKEROUS, GLOOMY, LAZY, and POINTLESS.

 I'm not sure where I'm going to take this just yet, but I think a political parody using these characters as pivotal points for truth, justice, and the American way will be a good start. We can even use horse pucky as a weapon of choice. This can also extend into Canada. I mean, gee whiz, we can even go Gobal with this. Wow! I'm gettin' really excited here. So, whaddya'll think? Are all of you wild and wacky Horse Pucky pals in?

It's All In the Name

There's a relatively new funeral home that opened up down the street and around the corner. It’s called New Comer. The name implies that the deceased is planning on using the facilities again. A better name would be Out Going.

While driving through Buffalo, I noticed another funeral home called Amigone. No kidding! It’s an old family name in the area and is pronounced, “Am I gone?” Ending up in Amigone is about as gone as you’re gonna’ get…no questions asked.

I'd like to know who comes up with these names. Aside from the fact most funeral parlors are named for the family memebers who establish them, couldn't Amigone be changed to something more ethereal. Any suggestions for a new name is welcome.

Is Your Participle Dangling?

I had a dream about dangling participles last night; probably because I had a bowl of chocolate-chip, fudge brownie, chocolate ice cream followed by half a jar of green olives before I went to bed. Instead of sugarplums dancing in my head, there were dangling participles hovering over the bedpost. Sounds kinda' kinky doesn’t it?

What is a participle? It's a word ending in “ing” and sometimes “ed”. It looks like a verb but acts as an adjective. A participle is used to describe other words in a sentence.

Dangling participles are writing faux pas. They are often humorous without intending to be, but can be both confusing and annoying when trying to convey a message. In order to avoid dangling participles in your writing, be specific. Avoid generalizations.

Two examples of generalizations are “there is”, and “it”. Make sure a noun or verb is in the sentence for the participle to clearly modify. A modifier is a word or group of words that describe other words in a sentence.

Whew! Let’s see now, dangling participles, verbs, adjectives, modifiers, there’s a lot to think about. Let’s have fun with dangling participles and their sometimes humorous, but confusing messages.

Incorrect: Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. (Is the dangling participle writing carefully?)
Correct: While you are carefully writing, avoid dangling participles.

Incorrect: Flitting from flower to flower, the baseball player watched the bee. (I don’t think the baseball player is flitting from flower to flower, but you never know.)
Correct: The baseball player watched the bee flitting from flower to flower.

Incorrect: After being cracked open, the cook boiled the egg. (Oh, oh violence in the kitchen! I hope the cook wasn’t cracked open before the egg was boiled.)
Correct: The cook boiled the egg after it was cracked open.

Incorrect: Leaping off the cliff, I saw the mountain goat land safely 20 feet below me. (Look out below; the goat and I are on our way down!)
Correct: Leaping off the cliff, the mountain goat landed safely 20 feet below me.

So, folks, a dangling participle is not some kinky physical problem. It is a grammar problem. When writing, make your communication clear.

Always remember never to eat chocolate-chip, fudge brownie, chocolate ice cream and green olives before going to bed. I not only have a problem with dangling participles, I have a stomachache.

How Did Ernie Do It?

I don't know how Ernest Hemingway was able to write with 69 cats around him all the time. I have one and he can be a pest sometimes. There were no computers in Ernie's day, only manual typewriters (remember them?). Maybe his cats got their tales caught in the carriage return, which eventually kept the little fur balls away from his writing area.

My cat, Bear, likes to sit on the computer keyboard, and vie for my attention; and always when I'm in the middle of a writing project. He's been known to delete a half days work. If I could only teach him how to type instead of hit the delete button! Oh well, it's a start. Besides, he's a handsome little guy who loves me unconditionally. That alone is worth a half days work.