Guantanamo Bay Resort and Spa

There's a lot of horse pucky flying around lately about what to do with the Afghanistan and Iraqi detainees at Guantanamo Bay. Poor Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice are shaking their heads and scratching their...er...ears wondering what to do. I have the perfect solution. Turn Guantanamo Bay into a resort, casino, and spa. It's in a perfect spot for tourists, especially the Russians. We all know a successful business depends on location, location, location.

Guantanamo Bay is located at the southeastern end of Cuba. It was discovered in 1494 by Columbus and still has a restaurant there he started. It's called Chris's Arroz con Polla and Beans. Anyway, the beaches are gorgeous, the views are stunning (as long as you don't stare too long at the orange jumpsuits the detainees are wearing), and the weather is temperate...about 78-85 degrees with cool ocean breezes. Unless there's a hurricane. Then it's 78-85 degrees with enough wind to blow your sandals off.

Currently the U.S. is leasing the land, 45 square miles, for about $4,000/year. Yup, that's right, four thousand dollars a year, which is a lopsided deal the U.S. made with Cuba back in 1934. Casto thinks the U.S. government is made up of a bunch of capitalist pigs so he decided not to cash any of the checks out of spite. I agree with the pig part, but I would definitely cash the checks.

Here's my plan. Since the U.S. has already invested $12 million in a wind project in Cuba for all their power needs, we could add that to all the checks Castro hasn't cashed yet, pick up some investors in Dubai, Afghanistan, Iraq, and the U.S. and build a huge five-star hotel complete with a spa, casiono and nightclub.

First, we'd have to clean up the prison area. Then we could hire all the detainees, along with the 9,500 U.S. sailors and marines we have over there and exchange their orange jumpsuits and military uniforms for tuxes, but only after they clean up the prison area. They could all operate the resort, spa and casino.

Think about it. It's a win-win situation for everyone. There's job creation...jobs that are fun, economic stimulus for both Cuba and the U.S., and the world will get to see Christopher Columbus' first, authentic Spanish-Cuban restaurant.

Cuba really is a gorgeous place. Let's turn it into a tourist attraction. Hey, we could call it Club Gitmo!