Ode to Winter: Stuck

Driving to the barn today was not so very nice.
The fog was thick, the roads were slick,
and covered with black ice.

But worst of all was cleaning stalls
with temps a minus three.
"Oh great!" I exclaimed, "It's freezing cold
and now I have to pee."

I found a spot in the corner of the stall
for needed privacy,
so I dropped my drawers,
relieved myself, then tried to leave the scene.

"Oh no!" I shrieked, "My butt's stuck to the wall
 of this makeshift horse latrine."

Don't Ask: Just Add Captions

Don't ask! Well, ok, I'll tell ya anyway. Just a little bit of background: Jon and I decided to clean out the inside of his floor-level kitchen cabinet, which houses two 3 foot tall wastebaskets. Jon is six feet tall. I'm five feet two inches. The logical choice was for me to go in and do the job. So, I did...and kinda got stuck.

Of course, Jon couldn't pass up this unique photo opportunity. And, of course, being the ham I am, I couldn't pass up a chance for a bit of zany good humor. This is what happens to normally sane people, in February, in upstate New York before drinking.

If you're gonna come up with wisecracks, all you smarty britches out there had better turn them into captions. There may be a reward in this for ya.

Seeing Things

It's March and it's snowing! Cabin fever has set in. I wanted to work in my garden, but the ground is frozen. Instead, I sat out on my front stoop this morning, cleaning the horse pucky off my riding boots. Lo and behold a chipmunk skateboarded right past me going in an easterly direction.

At first I thought I was seeing things, so I ran in the house for a cup of coffee I had just brewed. When I went back outside Mr./Ms. Chippy whizzed right past me heading west. I went back inside and grabbed my Kodak digital camera because I knew no one would believe me. You probably still don't believe me, but pictures don't fib. He's a cute little guy or girl. Can't tell what the gender is 'cause s/he was going too fast. My day is complete. I didn't garden, but I witnessed a skateboarding chipmunk of unknown gender.

Yes, I've lost my mind due to cabin fever and lack of sun. Hopefully, Ill find it again by May...my mind that is...maybe even the sun.

Woozles

Now I know I've totally lost my mind. Must be a combination of the frigid air the last couple of days and horse pucky fumes.

This time of year the horses are double blanketd so they're warm and toasty. When I went to groom Sadie, I found a solidified mass of horse hair inside her waterproof turnout blanket. The gray-white hairy mass is perfectly round and is about the size of one of those cosmetic sponges you buy at the drug store.

I figure I can market this round hairy patch of horse hair as a Woozle. I'm so facinated by the Woozle, I decided to write about it and market it as a childrens story or possibly a book for crazy people. If you buy the Woozle book, you'll also get a genuine horse hair Woozle with it. I may even throw in a bag of Horsie Delights as a bonus gift. (See Nov. 24 post: Truly Unique Christmas Gift...Horsie Delights ).

The owner of the barn suggested I call the Woozle a natual beauty aid and make billions instead of millions. It's a tough choice, children's book, or beauty aid...or maybe both. You get two for the price of one. What value! I might even make trillions.

As you've probably guessed, this time of year we get a little "squirrely" after riding and doing barn chores...and it's only December. We'll be ready for "R-Wing" by February! Maybe by then we'll be multi millionaires from selling all those Woozles. Next stop Tahiti.