Horse Pucky Advice: Tasteless Christmas Gift

Dear Horse Pucky,

Five years ago, for Christmas, my now-92-year-old-mother gave me the ugliest sweater I've ever seen. I thanked her for it and told her it was not my style or my size and to please return it, get the money back, and go buy something nice for herself. What did she do?! She kept it for five years, thinking I'd forget about it, and then gave it to me again this year as a Christmas gift. You're probably thinking,'At 92, she's a tad dotty,' but she isn't. She's sharp as a tack, loves bargains, and thinks no one will notice how cheap she is. 

I hate to call her bluff, but the sweater is the tackiest thing I've ever seen. What is the best thing to do so as not to hurt her feelings?  I DON'T WANT IT BACK!

~Ugly Sweater  Kid

Dear USK,

This year keep the sweater and make mittens out of it. Trace your hand with a marker on the sweater, cut out hands, then stitch up with yarn. Next cut off the ribbed part of the sleeve on the sweater, then stitch onto base of mitten with yarn to make a ribbed, bottom sleeve to mitten, and voilla...you have a pair of hand-made mittens.

If you don't wear mittens, give them to your mother. She may or may not notice they're made out of the same sweater she gave you twice in five years. In any case, the mittens will keep her warm. She'll love it. If not, she may never talk to you again. But then you won't have to deal with unbecoming  sweaters at Christmas.

~Horse Pucky