Parakeet Resusitation

It takes all kinds to make the world a better place, or maybe just a few folks who are a bit off center.

I love animals. Actually, I love anything that walks, crawls, flies, or slithers, except rattlesnakes, which I'm convinced I could train to become a wonderful household pet or possibly a dreaded terrorist bodyguard. Anyway, I took Bear to the vet today for his annual feline wellness exam, rabies shot, and three year distemper booster. The vet said, "If you think you love all God's creatures, wait until you hear this one!"

One of Dr. Bratton's clients brought her parakeet in for a check up. It was a beautiful bright green and yellow male parakeet named Cranston. She had Cranston for six years and even taught him to say a few words. Unfortunately, he wasn't talking the day she was scheduled to bring him to the vet. In fact he wasn't doing much of anything except just laying around. She thought all Cranston needed was to be resuscitated. When she brought him in to see the doctor, her poor little feathered friend was deader than a door nail. In fact he had been in birdie heaven for quite some time.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I did a little of both. Cranston was buried under the weeping cherry tree in her yard with a full funeral service. And that ain't no horse pucky.

Over Under Debate

It appears that it's a toss-up as to how toilet paper rolls should be hung. Some say, if you hang the roll so it is dispensed from the bottom it's more difficult for cats to unravel. Another reader suggests using a GPS system to figure out the direction, and the most practical suggestion is to be sure you don't run out of toilet paper in the first place.

Are you ready for the real reason on how to dispense t.p.? According to the manufacturers of toilet paper, the rolls should be set up so they dispense from over the top of the roll. Why? So the quilted portion of the roll (which usually has the manufacturers logo on it) is visibile on the top side of the paper. So, there you have it. Right from the manufacturers mouths. And that ain't no horse pucky.

I can hardly wait for the smart alec comments I get on this one.

Have You Heard About This?

A good friend of mine sent me an interesting email. The content explained how to get rid of flies, wasps, and unwanted things that fly and go bump in the night or day or afternoon. My friend received it from a horse enthusiast such as myself, and she, in turn, received it from an Amish person who is an authority on the subject of natural fly deterrents.

Here's the idea: Take a ziplock bag, fill it half full with water and put three pennies in it, then zip it shut. Next tack it to an area where you have experienced an abundance of fly infestation. For some reason, the flies take off for other parts.

Ann Says: I tried the ziplock bag and pennies this weekend. I have a horse trailer. The flies were bad while I was camping. I put the baggie with pennies above the door of the LQ. NOT ONE FLY came in the trailer. The horse trailer park had many. Not sure why it works but it does!

Danielle Martin Says: Fill a ziplock bag with water and 5 or 6 pennies and hang it in the problem area. In my case it was a particular window in my home. It had a slight passage way for insects. Ever since I have done that, it has kept flies and wasps away. Some say that wasps and flies mistake the bag for some other insect nest and are threatened.

Maggie Says: I swear by the plastic bag of water trick. I have them on porch and basement. We saw these in Northeast Mo. at an Amish grocery store & have used them since. They say it works because a fly sees a reflection & won't come around.

DJ Says: Regarding the science behind zip log bags of water? My research found that the millions of molecules of water presents its own prism effect and given that flies have a lot of eyes, to them it's like a zillion disco balls reflecting light, colors and movement in a dizzying manner. When you figure that flies are prey for many other bugs, animals, birds, etc., they simply won't take the risk of being around that much perceived action. I moved to a rural area and thought these "hillbillies" were just yanking my city boy chain but I tried it and it worked immediately! We went from hundreds of flies to seeing the occasional one, but he didn't hang around long.

I'm going to try this. No more costly fly sprays. No more inhaling fly spray fumes this summer. No more pesky flies that bite the horses. The equines will love it. Unless, of course, this whole thing is a lot of horse pucky (which is the problem in the first place).

Toilet Paper Direction: Over or Under?

The Browncroft Family Restaurant is a great place for breakfast meetings. It has good food, is reasonably priced, and has super service. It has also become my makeshift office, away from my real office, where I meet with folks who actually pay me for my writing. Bribing them with breakfast usually helps.

Another perk: BFR is close to my home office (which is actually the second floor bedroom in my townhouse, which I also share with Bear, my cat). But I digress. The real story here is toilet paper rolls and how they unroll. Personally, I like my toilet paper rolls to dispense from over the top of the roll of toilet paper. I was totally flummoxed to discover, after entering the restroom, that the BFR's toilet paper rolled from underneath the roll. Being a creature of habit, and just turning 67, I was confused for the rest of the day.

The question is how do you place your toilet paper on the spool in your bathrooms? Does it pull out from over the top or underneath the roll? This is a very important question which may have some scientific merit. Who cares if the national debt is in the trillions, or they haven't discovered a cure for the common cold, or (heaven forbid) people stop using horse pucky in their gardens. Toilet paper roll direction is a very important issue that needs to be addressed.

Let's settle the debate, is it over or under? Leave your preference in the comments and I'll post an answer within the week.

Jack the Ripper

On the way out to the barn last night, it was so foggy, I could barely see 10 feet in front of me. It was really eerie. I got to thinking about Jack the Ripper. Before I got to the barn I was sure he was lurking somewhere in the woods by the side of the road, next to the creek. When I got to my destination, I was happy to see lights on in the barn and my favorite people.

Someone (whose name will go unmentioned for fear of being embarrassed) told me this morning, over breakfast, that Jack the Ripper was buried in Mt. Hope Cemetary in Rochester, NY. I told him he was full of horse pucky. But, he insisted his story was true. So, I looked it up and found other famous people buried there, but not "Jack".

Susan B. Anthony, the champion of equal rights for women, and Frederick Douglas, renowned leader of the anti-slavery movement are two of many notables buried at Mt. Hope Cemetary, but not Jack the Ripper.

The only thing, I can think of is maybe JtR came to Rochester for a much needed vacation after murdering all those women in the Whitechapel district of London. Susan B. Anthony found him and beat him over the head, repeatedly, with her hefty handbag until he crumpled into a pile of pithy pulp. After all, it would serve him right.

Frederick Douglas hired some friends to help bury "Jack's" body. No notoriety, just a quiet way to take care of women's rights, no matter what the woman's profession of choice.

Caution!

Jon and I were out shopping for some hearty flowering plants for my window box and garden today. Currently the weather is 75 degrees, which is why I have planteritis. This is no April Fool's joke. It really is 75 degrees in upstate NY today! Anyway, the beautiful, sunny day motivated us to go get flowers.

While we were driving along the expressway a septic cleaning service truck passed us with a sign posted on the back of the truck. The sign read Caution! Stool Bus. Being a former school teacher, I thought it was hilarious.

I was also thinking, 'when I go horse back riding I can where a t-shirt with words on the back that say Horse Pucky Manufacturer'. There's only one hitch, some people may think it refers to me; the three people who read this blog, my mother (who never reads this blog), and my children (who sometimes read this blog) all know I'm full of horse pucky. The t-shirt would work in either case.